Page 29 of Hale Damage
But by the time we reached the parking lot, her eyes were dry and her spine was straight. Me? I’m not nearly so brave. I’m a goddamn mess, if we’re being totally honest.
“Mama, are you sure you don’t want to try the treatments?” I ask gently through a sniffle. “MD Anderson is one of the best cancer hospitals in the world, and it’s so close to where we live.”
Her smile is patient and kind as she reaches across the table to clasp my hand between both of hers. “Honey, you heard the doctor. Without treatment, I have six months at best, and with treatment, I still won’t live more than a year.” She tilts her head, and a tiny tendril of red hair a shade lighter than mine slips from the bun at the nape of her neck. “Why would I want to waste time and money doing all that when it won’t do any good anyway?”
“Dad left us money when he died, so don’t worry about paying for it,” I argue. “If you want to fight this, I’ll be there with you every step of the way.”
Her lips tighten into a hard line, but her eyes shine with sympathy. “Mindy, I know this is hard for you, but the fact is, I won’t be here by this time next year. I don’t want to spend my last months in and out of hospitals when there’s no hope.”
No. Hope.
Those words strike me like a cannonball to the chest, but I do my best to keep a brave face on. But it’s hard—so fucking hard—and a single tear breaches the margin of my eyelid. Mom brushes it away, and I feel so damn guilty. She’s the one dying, and I’m over here making it about me.
So I square my shoulders and eke out a smile. For her. “How would you like to spend your last months?”
Mama sits back and adjusts her napkin in her lap before picking up her knife and fork to cut into her chicken breast.
“First of all, I want to talk about your future.”
My future. Without my mother. Without the person who has loved me since before I was even born.
Swallowing down my emotions, I ask, “Okay, what about my future?”
She leans forward. “I want you to promise to follow your dreams. Iwant you to take the money your dad left us and add it to your savings so you can open your own bakery. Once you’ve completed all your training, of course. It’s all you’ve talked about since you were eight years old.” Pride shines in her green eyes. “A woman needs to be able to take care of herself and her family. Owning your own business won’t be easy, but you are so strong, my sweet Mindy. You can do anything you put your mind to.”
Something melts inside me. She’s sick, but all she wants to talk about is me. The woman can be stubborn as a mule, but god… she can also be so selfless. How can I deny her anything at this point?
“I promise, Mama. But…” I take a sip of my coffee, preparing myself for the argument I know is about to come. “I want to take some time off from my apprenticeship and spend these next months with you.”
To my utter shock, Mama doesn’t argue. She smiles that brilliant smile that could light up a room.
“I would love that, honey.”
“Y-you would?” I stammer.
She nods. “This is going to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, and if hanging around with an sick old lady is what you need, then that’s what you should do.”
“You’re not old. You’re only fifty,” I scoff.
Her smile falters. “I know.”
It hits me hard then. This is fucking bullshit. My mother is too young to be dying. She should be living her best life right now. She should be traveling and bugging me about giving her grandchildren and…
“Mama, what’s something you’ve always wanted to do?” I ask, excitement in my voice as an idea comes to me.
She seems taken aback by the question and shakes her head. “Oh. Well, I don’t know.”
“Is there anything you wish you would have done?” I prod. “Anything at all?”
Mama purses her lips, and I see the second her mind registers. “I’ve always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon. In fact, I’ve never even traveled west of Texas.” Her face softens with memories. “I used to flyto Florida sometimes when your father was playing there. Until you came along, and then it was just so difficult flying with a baby.”
This woman has given up so much for me, and all I want is to makeherdreams come true. To make her last months memorable. I pull out my phone and tap on my notes app.
“You and I are going on a trip, Mama. First stop, the Grand Canyon.” My fingers fly across the keyboard, starting a list. “Now, what else should I add to Ciara and Mindy’s great adventure?”
When I look up expectantly, a tear slides down Mama’s cheek, but she’s smiling.
And for the next hour, we plan how we will spend her last days on earth.
