Page 74 of His Ruin
Can you at least let someone know you’re alive? We’re worried sick about you.
WHY, KADEN?! ANSWER ME!
Sometimes I wish I had never met you.
I started therapy. You’re a hot topic.
Fuck, Imiss you…
Nothing.
He’s been gone for half a year, and still, there’s not a clue where he is. Dr. Harris said I’m experiencing the stages of grief—as if my brother has passed. My shock and denial are long behind me, depression has taken over for a while, and now I’m justangry.
Angry at him for choosing that lifestyle over me after he proclaimed nothing came above me. Angry at my heart for the hateful things I said before we parted ways. Angry at the world for knowing where he is but not giving me a sign about where to find him.
Mom and Dad have searched high and low. Dad has dropped serious money on private investigators and search teams, but there’s nothing. It’s as if Kaden vanished into thin air.
I’m waiting in the hall for my next class to start, sitting with my dress tucked under me as I munch on some grapes. While my eating has gotten better, sleeping has been the biggest issue. Dr. Harris prescribed me some medicine that helps me stay asleep, and while I still have nightmares, I’m finally getting more than two hours a night.
Healing is such a slow and grueling process. It’s even harder when you just want the person you’re grieving back. No matter how it could destroy you in the end.
I would take Kaden anyway he came to me—bloodied and broken, a thousand bodies under his belt, an entire underworld at his beck and call.Anything.
I can’t stand to think negatively, but as everything becomes weighed down, only one thought whispers across my mind.
He’s never coming back.
And I think coming to terms with that is the hardest part of this.
Chapter thirty-six
Melody
Six Months Later
I’m going to graduate early. I took some advanced track classes that put me ahead by a whole year. I wish you were here to celebrate with me.
Irestmyphonedownon the library’s table, finally able to step foot in this place without breaking down into tears. This is the very table that Kaden and I were at a year ago, and it still hurts, but I’m not as broken as I once was. I’ve focused on my classes, dove headfirst into research, and even joined a sorority.
This has been the hardest battle I’ve ever had to face, but I pulled myself out of my grief and learned to navigate life without Kaden by my side. I’ve reached the final stop on this tour—acceptance.
It’s not freeing or even joyous. There’s still a pit in my stomach any time I think about the night everything changed. There’s still that image of Kaden down on his knees, crying brokenly. Those memories will never fade, and I think he’ll always hold a place in my heart.
But I can’t keep waiting around for someone who doesn’t want me. No matter how much it pains me to let go of him.
“Stop calling and texting,“ Dr. Harris’s pointed words bounce around my head in a reminder. “A step to healing is relinquishing it from your grasp. You can’t control everything, and that’s okay.”
Some habits die hard.
I try to stop, but it’s like the little voice in my head encourages me.
Keep going.
What if this is the one time he answers?
Wait for him.
It’s silly, but there’s a big part of me that only knew Kaden’s comfort and compassion—the warmth he held for me and me alone. It’s hard to separate from that part of yourself when it has defined you for such a long time.
