Page 74 of Finding Him
“I’m going,” he continues, his voice all stuffed up like he has a cold. “I’m gonna be all lost and all alone. I don’t like the water.”
The water. His father. Drowning in his own misery.
That must be what his nightmares are about. He’d admitted that one night in his kitchen, when I slept over here with Claire, that he’d had a bad dream. And I’d admitted it too.
And now whatever inebriated state he’s in has him stuck inside a nightmare that feels too much like real life.
“You don’t have to worry,” I say, getting into the bed, laying over top of the covers, facing him. “I won’t let you get lost. And hey, if you ever are?”
He hums in response, cracking open his eyes to look at me again.
“I’ll find you.”
Part Three
??
Put a little
LOVE
on me
30
Willing and Able
Molly
June, 2001
“WHERE ARE YOUgoing? To a sleepover?”
“Yeah, Moll,” Jamie says without looking up from the bag she's shoving her clothes into. “For a while.”
“With Carl?”
Carl was Jamie’s boyfriend. He was over all the time when mom and dad were working. I wasn’t allowed in Jamie’s room when her door was shut, the music was on, and Carl was over. I didn’t mind. I usually just watched TV with Lorraine, or played with the dollhouse Mom got us for Christmas. It’s one of those real fancy ones that look like real houses.
“Maybe,” Jamie shrugs. “I’m not sure. Just gotta get outta here for a bit.”
“Can I come?”
“No,” she says without even thinking about it. My face falls, and I know she sees because she softens her voice. “Not this time, Mol.”
“Are you gonna be back for dinnertime?”
“Doubt it,” she zips up the bag, looking around the room. Jamie grabs her lighter—for her candles, she says—and shoves it in her sweater pocket with shaky hands.
She crouches down in front of me so that we’re eye level. “Listen Molly. You have to be a big girl now, okay? I don’t know when I’ll be back, but you have to keep an eye on Lorraine, okay? And don’t listen to Mom. Don’t listen to the things she says about... well, just don’t listen. I promise, you can come visit me soon. Once I get settled.”
“Settled where?” It doesn’t make sense. Jamie hasalwaysbeen here, my whole entire life. She can’t just... leave?
“Somewhere with a beach... west coast, maybe, I’m thinking California.”
“That’s so... far.”
She pulls me in a hugsotight I can barely breathe, and I hug her back. I don’t know why I feel like I’m gonna cry—maybe because it feels like she’s leaving for much more than a sleepover.
