Page 84 of Finding Him
I shake my head, swallowing the bile climbing up my throat. “I’m not playing at anything, Molly.”
“There you go again, lying!” She reaches up with her sleeve and wipes under her nose and blinks a couple of times. “Iknow, okay? The other day, JJ’s cup? He gave me the wrong one and I got a big, ol’ tasteful of your afternoon drink, Niall Blue.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.I thought JJ had stolen my cup out of the car later that night. I’d been waiting for him to say something about it since, and hoping maybe he’d just poured it out.
This was way worse than JJ knowing.
“That’s not what you think, it was just—”
“Just that day, right?” she says, her eyes glossy. “Just aone time thing. But you know what, Niall, I find that really, really hard to believe.”
I swallow hard, not knowing what to say. I don’t have a defense that isn’t a lie. Everything is wrapped up in one big lie. I knew thinking this was ever gonna work out between us was just plain stupid. It’s falling apart before anything’s even started.
“Are you drunk right now?” she whispers.
“Not drunk,” I shake my head. Iwasn’t, only buzzed if anything. So what if I put a nip of vodka in my coffee this morning? So what if I’d done it yesterday and every morning before that? I wasn’t drunk.
I hardly got drunk anymore—not unless I kept drinking till I passed out, like at the party the other night.
“But you’ve drunk alcohol today?”
I don’t answer, which is answer enough.
“Do you understand how fucked up that is? You could get in so much trouble—you could hurt somebody! You’re driving me and Claire and JJ to and from school, and you’re fucking plastered—”
“You’re not my keeper, Molly,” I snap, the shame seeping out defensively. “You’re not my boss, or my mam, and you’re certainly not my girlfriend.”
“So fuck me for caring, right?”
“I didn’t say that!” I don’t know what I was saying. Every mask I’ve carefully put on every day was falling apart because of this girl who was able to see right through the facade.
She wipes her nose again—she was crying, I realize. I haven't seen Molly cry before, and I don't want to see it ever again. I don't want it to be because of meeveragain.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I say after taking a deep breath, crowding her against the colourful wall, but leaving her room to get away if she wants to. “That was mean. I’m—I’m mean. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t really cover all the bases, Niall,” she says, reaching up to wipe her eyes again but I beat her to it. My thumbs gently brush the tears away, careful not to ruin her mascara. It must be one of those waterproof brands, because it’s holding up fairly well.
“I know,” I whisper.
“Nobody else knows? About...” I shake my head ‘no.’
“Just you. ‘Cause you’re too smart for your own good,” I say, continuing to stroke her cheeks.
“I just care,” she swallows, like the words are hard to get out. “I care about you, Niall. I don’t want you to...to be hurting alone, you know?”
“I know. I get it. I care too, ya know?” I lean in closer, my breath fanning against her lips. “You don’t have the first clue justhow much I care. Whenever you’re around, it... it feels like I can breathe.”
Her expression is quizzical. “Isn’t the expression ‘I can’t breathe’ or something?”
“I dunno. Maybe that’s true for everyone else. But Molly Lockhart—you’re my fresh air.”
I already planned on kissing her—or trying to—but she pulls down on the collar of my jumper until her lips are on mine. I make a surprised sound, before pinning my body against hers and wrapping my arms around her waist.
I could lift her up against the painted walls, but she's wearing a skirt and that might be a bit too much for a school hallway. Still, my mouth moves against hers, searching for all the oxygen her presence promises. Her lips are soft—so soft—and warm. I can taste the salt of her tears still on them, and I swear I’ll never do anything to make her cry again.
I could almost think I'm in heaven.
“MR. BLUE!”
