Page 34 of Diving In
The start of the journey is silent, until I start forcing conversation. But it’s all surface-level stuff—the swimmers Sam knows who’ll be at the European Championships, the weirdly unpredictable weather this month, when the exam timetable will be released.
I want him to talk about his mum. Or to talk about his plans for university next year. He’s going to the US becuase the training is better, but I want to understand what that will really mean for him. But he avoids the topic of the future at every turn.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I say when I can’t take the avoidance anymore.
“What?” he asks. As if he doesn’t know what I mean.
“Yesterday.”
“No,” he says. He turns up the volume on the radio and looks out the window.
We spend the rest of the journey in silence, and everything he doesn’t say settles heavy in my chest.
Chapter 15
Eighteen years old
Kath
Sam and I are lying in the park, the remnants of our picnic between us, reading our respective books in peaceful silence. It’s between his morning and afternoon training blocks, and we’re doing our best to enjoy the weather while it lasts. We’ve spent so much time at the pool this summer that the smell of chlorine has infiltrated my clothes, and the breeze through the trees is a welcome break.
The end of school felt slightly anticlimactic. Maybe we were all just tired from the stress of the last year, but after exams everyone went their own way. The only people left in London at the moment are Sam and me. The fact that he’s leaving for college in Florida in a few weeks still hasn’t really sunk in.
“What are you being so jittery about?” He reaches across and stills my fingers. I hadn’t even realised I was tapping them against the edge of the book I’m barely reading. “What’s going on?”
“Just thinking about university.” I fiddle with my ponytail with my free hand. “I’m really nervous. It’ll be amazing being close to Nan, but Exeter feels pretty far from home. I know it’s only a three-hour train, but it feels farther than that.”
“You’ve done amazingly,” he says. “I know I’ve told you before, but really Kath, you’ve done so well. First person from St Peter’s to get into university to study medicine in five years. That’s pretty epic.”
“As epic as getting an Olympic medal?” I tease him.
“More so.” He doesn’t even hesitate. “You’re so smart. Honestly, it’s kind of amazing. Our school is supportive, but it’s not a private school. I know how hard you’ve worked, and it’s just as impressive as swimming a couple of lengths in a pool.”
“It’s more than a couple of lengths,” I tell him. “And you do it very fast. Maybe world record fast one day.”
He laughs. “I live in hope.”
His obsession with the individual medley record has become something of a joke between us. I’ve teased him before about hearing him muttering the record time in his sleep.
“Four minutes, three seconds, eighty-four milliseconds,” I tell him seriously and he chuckles again.
“Now stop deflecting and tell me why you’re nervous. You’re not usually a nervous person.”
“Do you want the whole list?” I offer, watching the clouds scud through the sky above us. It’s a nearly exhaustive list, ranging from what I want to wear on the first day, to the sort of person I want to be, and pretty much everything in between.
“Always,” he says softly. “You can tell me anything.”
I shut my book and prop myself up to look at him. He looks so Sam. His eyes are shut and his arm is thrown over his head, shielding him from the sun. His open book rests on his stomach.
“OK, well, it’s a pretty long list,” I warn him as I start ticking them off. “I’m nervous about making new friends. I’m worried about the course being too difficult for me. I’m anxious about being away from home. AndI’m sad that you’ll be a nine-hour flight away. I haven’t quite worked out how to survive with my best friend in America.”
He sits up to look at me, concern etched across his face.
“Hey, don’t worry.” He brushes a stray strand of hair out of my eyes. “We’ll text every day, and I’ll be back in December and then you can come visit over Easter like we planned. And as for the other things. You make friends so easily, Kath. It’s going to be fine. And I know you’ll smash the course.”
I gulp. Too many compliments. “I think your faith in me is misplaced.”
“No, it’s really not.” He leans back, shading his eyes with his arm.
