Page 105 of Diving In
I pause, wondering if I should tell him the truth about the end of my relationship. He doesn’t deserve to know anything about my personal life, but then again, I’m sick of all the lies and omissions, so I decide to be honest.
“And, uh, Theo isn’t in the picture anymore. We broke up a year or so ago actually.”
His eyes widen and his lips part, before he quickly schools the surprise on his face and gives me a small nod.
Sam has no idea how lonely I’ve been. Nobody does. Living alone, working long hours, having no one to really understand or talk to about any of this. All of my friends have their own things going on, and I’ve never been one to bother anyone with my own problems.
Not entirely true, my brain echoes. I used to tell Sam everything, but then he abandoned me.
“You can talk to me about work, you know,” he tells me as he starts clearing up our bowls. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that, your job, what the pandemic must’ve been like. I can imagine it was really tough for you, and when you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here for you.”
“How do you know it was tough for me?”
His gaze softens. “I know you, Kath, and what your work ethic is like. Your desire to help everyone, no matter the cost to yourself. I kept up with the news in the UK because I knew you would be working through it.”
“It was tough for lots of people.” I settle on saying, because I know if I say anything more Sam will see too much.
He puts the bowls into the dishwasher and opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.
“Who have you seen since you’ve been back?”
“Nobody yet,” he says. “Maybe we could have a small reunion with some school people. I was texting Josh, and he says he hasn’t seen you in ages.”
I give a non-committal sound. An unintended side effect of the pandemic restrictions are that I no longer feel like I know how to talk to people outside work. And they’ve been a good excuse to become a bit of a recluse.
“Maybe.” My voice comes out monotone. “I haven’t really seen people for a while, probably since the second wave.”
He looks at me with concern. “Kath, are you sure you’re OK? The start of the second wave was months ago.”
I blink at him. I know it was months ago, but it feels like years. My eyes start to sting, and a rogue tear escapes. I angrily brush it away.
“I’m being ridiculous. I don’t know why I’m crying.”
“Hey. Pirates can cry. Didn’t you know? That’s the fourth rule of the code.”
“It’s not,” I tell him around a watery laugh.
“It’s an addendum. I just added it in. Parliament approved it.”
This time when he reaches towards me for a hug, I don’t pull away.
“I’ve got you now,” he tells me.
And, for the first time in a while, I know that he does.
Chapter 46
Twenty-six years old
Sam
“You need to get a job,” Kath tells me when she drops her keys in the bowl by the door. It’s two hours later than her shift was meant to end, which seems to be a recurring theme. I’ve been living in her spare room for two months, and I can count on one hand the number of times she’s actually got home when she was meant to.
Part of me is still surprised she let me move in. Apparently she needed someone to cover the rent and I was easier than finding a stranger. I don’t know how she scraped by month to month during the pandemic, though I know she took on a lot of extra shifts. Kath said she didn’t have time to organise interviewing people and I’m not going to question a good thing. Not until she’s ready to share more. I’m just happy she was ready for our friendship to step up to this level again.
The first couple of months after we reconnected were little more than occasional texts. Those slowly turned into the odd coffee, then walks through the Heath, and eventually invitations to dinner at her flat. I let her set the pace for all of it, careful not to push for a friendship she might not want anymore. If she decided she never wanted us to be friends again, that would have been something I’d have to accept. Every step forward felt like a gift.
“Thank you for always cooking dinner for me, Sam,” she continues, unwinding her scarf. “But you need to get out of the house.”
