Page 49 of A Sniper's Devotion
“You’re back.”
“Yeah. What are you doing out here on the couch?”
“I didn’t think I had the right to sleep in your bed anymore.”
Hector came over and drew Miguel to his feet. Once he was standing, Hector pulled him into a hug, resting his chin on top of Miguel’s head.
“The only reason you wouldn’t have the right to sleep there is if you’re breaking up with me. Are you breaking up with me, Miguel?”
Miguel’s stomach lurched. He’d made his decision. But it still hurt to do this. He couldn’t look at Hector, so he took advantage of his position and spoke to his chest in a barely perceptible whisper. “Yes.”
Hector tightened his hold on Miguel’s waist. He didn’t say anything for several seconds. Then he leaned back and put a finger beneath Miguel’s chin, tipping his face up for a short but gentle kiss. “I want to laugh at the irony that when I finally have someone I want to be in a real relationship with, that person doesn’t want the same.” He smiled sadly. “Except it’s not even close to being funny. Especially since that someone is you.”
Tears clogged Miguel’s throat and burned his nose. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to do this. It’s just all so fast and I’m… I need to live life as Miguel. Not Santos and Miguel or Hector and Miguel. Just Miguel.”
“Don’t apologize,” Hector said with another sad smile. “You do what’s best for you.”
Miguel lowered his head again, pressing his cheek to Hector’s chest. They stood there for several quiet moments, Miguel listening to the strength of Hector’s heartbeat while Hector slowly caressed his back.
“Will you sleep with me so I can hold you tonight?”
Miguel nodded, happy to agree to the request. He wasn’t quite ready to let go of Hector’s embrace, so one last night together was more than okay with him. They went into the bedroom and silently undressed on opposite sides of the bed. Hector pulled back the covers, and Miguel slid into the bed first. The mattress dipped as Hector joined him, pulling Miguel close and spooning behind him.
“When will you know if you got the apartment?”
“I don’t know. But I think it would be best if I went and stayed with my mom until I can move into my own place.” There were several heartbeats of silence before Hector spoke.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
There in the dark, held close by his lover, Miguel wavered on his decision. He forced himself to remember how easily he could go from security to uncertainty when he put his life in the hands of someone else. He reaffirmed his decision, but his throat was still tight with regret when he gave his answer. “I’m sure.”
Hector squeezed Miguel once, dropping a kiss on his bare shoulder. “Okay. I understand.”
There was nothing to say after that. So, they just lay in each other’s arms, silent and stiff until they both relaxed into sleep.
Chapter 15
“Oh my god, Mom, Aunt Lupita! You guys didn’t have to get me all this stuff.” Miguel looked over all the home goods they’d purchased for him. He’d been approved for the studio apartment and today was move-in day.
“It’s just a few basics, Miguel,” his mother said. “That way you can spend your money on things to make this place your own.”
“Thank you, both. I really appreciate it.”
He looked at Hector, who’d carried in the last box. Miguel hadn’t asked for his help moving. Lupita had brought him along without even mentioning it. Hector hadn’t said much throughout the afternoon. Miguel hadn’t either. They weren’t mad at each other exactly. But he’d hurt Hector by turning down his offer of a relationship. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with Hector. He did. But the concerns he’d expressed were valid. He needed to learn how to exist on his own, not just jump right back into living off someone else.
And Hector. Miguel had seen other guys who came out later in life. A lot of them went wild, going after guys like crazy, trying to sample all at once everything they’d been missing out on. He didn’t want to set himself up for that heartbreak. Still, he hated that they were barely speaking to each other.
“Thank you so much for helping me out today.” Miguel expressed his thanks to Hector with genuine gratitude.
“You’re welcome.”
“I’ve picked up a few groceries already. Do you want something to drink?” he asked hesitantly.
“A glass of ice water is fine.”
Miguel went to the kitchen area, Hector following. He was slightly unnerved with Hector behind him, remembering how Hector had always teasingly whistled at him or copped a feel of his butt before. He tried to walk with as little sway to his hips as possible, even though Hector wouldn’t tease him like that now and probably wasn’t even checking him out.
He got a plastic cup and poured water from the filter pitcher. He passed the cup over then watched as Hector tipped it up, his throat working as he drank. Miguel wanted to do more, cook him something, or maybe rub his shoulders because they had to be tired after carrying all those boxes. But that wasn’t where they were at. So, he simply took the empty cup when Hector passed it back.
