Page 43 of My Little Doe
“Then leave!” I shouted.
“And what? Let you starve out here? Let you waste away in sadness? Make an enemy of my Titi?”
“I can take care of myself. Hell, I’ve been taking care of myself and raising my sister for years!” I seethed.
“I know,” he said, sighing. He turned and walked away.
I sat there quietly on the river. Next summer, I should have had an infant to take to the river and swim with. Introduce him to the outdoors, something I loved. Something Aspen loved. When my mother was in one of her moods, after a night of heavier drinking, Aspen and I’d walk to the crick or the park. I wanted Aspen to have something better than I had.
Noises caught my attention. Tires crunching over gravel? Definitely a vehicle coming. I was here alone. What if they found us? I turned and ran back through the woods toward the cabin. I moved faster through the trees than I probably should have.
As I made it out of the trees into the yard, an older blue pickup was in the drive. Lina stood next to Quinnlyn at the door. Both of them were staring at me. I stopped and was catching my breath. I was safe. We weren’t found. I told myself that until it finally sank in.
“Girl, you’re supposed to be resting!” Lina called out to me.
I walked slowly to her.
“I feel much better today, really. Nothing really hurts,” I told her. It was mostly true. My body did feel better, with minimal pain, similar to my period cramps.
“It’s not just about your body, it’s about mending your soul,” Lina said.
“He won’t let me do anything anyway…” I said.
“At least he listens to me,” she said.
“I thought you wouldn’t be here for another week,” I told her.
“Ah, yes… I was, but I wanted to bring you this,” she said, then reached into her pocket. She pulled out a necklace that had a small circular pendant on it.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“This holds the only ashes to your baby boy. There was only a very small amount.” She stepped closer to me and handed it to me.
My hands grasped the small pendant on the gold chain. The dam I’d been building broke. I fell to the ground onto my knees. Sobs escaped from me as I held it tightly to my chest.
“Izayuh,” I sobbed out.
A hand gently landed on my shoulder, bringing me back to the moment.
“Let it out, sweet chile,” she whispered to me.
More sobs came out. It was the permission I needed to mourn him fully.
Izayuh.
“Izayuh is a beautiful name,” she said gently.
“Thanks,” I gasped out, trying to catch my breath in between the cries.
I stayed on my knees until the worst of it passed, then stood. I brushed my knees off.
“Thank you for saving me and thank you for this,” I told her.
“No need for that, sweetheart,” she said.
Iwalked inside and went back to the bedroom. I heard Lina and Quinnlyn outside talking through the thin walls.
“I can’t make her eat,” he said.
