Page 42 of My Little Doe
“Zalayuh?” Quinnlyn called out.
After another minute, the door opened slightly, before he pushed it all the way open and walked in.
“Biscuits and gravy are done,” he said.
“I’m not hungry,” I whispered.
“Hmm… You are, you’re going through something. I won’t force you to eat, but my Titi won’t be happy if I don’t keep you healthy,” he said.
He turned and walked out. My mind wandered all around. I thought about Aspen and Paxton. I worried about how Aspen was doing without me. How well she was eating, and what she was eating. Paxton never had patience for her, frequently yelling at her for the smallest things. My mother was probably even deeper in alcohol. I wondered how my friends were doing.
I wasn’t sure how long I laid there before I mustered up enough energy to go to the bathroom and take care of myself. Instead of going back into the bedroom, I walked back into the main room. Quinnlyn was sitting in one of the chairs, reading a book.
“May I go outside?” I asked.
“If that’s what you would like,” he said.
I walked out the door without saying anything more. The sun was shining brightly. I headed toward where I had seen water yesterday. Birds chirped. Leaves blew around. I followed the sound of the moving water. I stepped my way around the muddier ground. It didn't take me long before I found water—a river. It was wide and muddy. There was a good shoreline of rocks that was perfect to sit on. Back home, there were so many cricks and rivers nearby. All the teenagers around knew which spots had good banks and which ones didn't.
I walked down close to the water and then sat down. I spent a lot of days in the water during the summer. Water had always been where I found peace and healing. After my father left, I spent whole afternoons crying on the bank, wondering if I could have done something differently. Acted better. It took a long time to realize he didn’t leave us, but he left her. She’d given him every reason to go.
Fish flopped around below the surface, leaving small ripples throughout the river. A bald eagle swooped down, snagging one of the fish before swooping back high into the air. I watched himbank downstream and land in a tree. It was a ways away, but maybe there was a nest. I stood and started walking along the riverbank, toward where the eagle flew.
Standing on the bank ahead of me was a doe drinking water. My foot crunched on a rock, her head shot up, and she stared at me. I wondered if it was the same doe as the day before. I studied her, taking in her markings. She looked like most other deer, but she had this little black spot under her eye. I continued walking toward her. She looked behind her and then back at me. Another step, and she turned and bolted.
A scream from above pulled my attention up. I looked up, and two eagles sat in a nest high up in the tree. I sat down to watch them. One of them ripped pieces of the fish off and fed them to the other. Something about it made my chest ache in a good way. The first genuine smile in longer than I could remember.
Someone was standing behind me, and my shoulders tensed. I turned my head slowly, eyes traveling up before I recognized him. Quinnlyn. Oh, thank you, Lord. I turned back toward the eagles high in their nest, still picking apart their fish without a care for what was below.
“Lunch is ready,” Quinnlyn said, breaking the silence.
“No thanks,” I said.
“I can bring it here, and you can eat it on your own terms,” he said.
“No.”
“No?” he repeated.
“Can you leave me alone?”
“Thought we got somewhere last night,” he muttered.
“It doesn’t change what you’ve done to me,” I said, looking up to stare him in the eyes.
“I did what I had to,” he said.
“You didn’t have to, you could’ve let me go earlier,” I said.
“Then I would’ve had a mark on my head,” he said.
“But you don’t now?” I asked.
“Well, I don’t know. I might. Hopefully, he believes you’re dead and that I was too distraught from taking a life to stick around,” he said.
“Sucks for you.”
“Yet, I’m still stuck here taking care of you,” he muttered.
