Page 35 of My Little Doe
“How ya feelin’, dear?” she asked.
“Not okay,” I managed to get out.
“Yeah… I wouldn’t be okay either,” she said.
Tears continued streaming down my cheeks. I wasn’t sure what to say.
“I need to check your bleeding, okay?”
“Okay, I guess?”
“I’m going to walk you through everything before I do it. I’ll ask before I touch.”
“What do I call you?”
“Lina or Titi,” she said, giving me a slight smile.
I’d been dressed in a gown at some point between last night and this morning. Lina had lifted my gown and pulled my panties back, checking the amount of blood on the pad. There wasn’t much. She told me that it was a good thing and that I had barely bled since Dr. Arthur went in and got the pieces of placenta that stayed behind. She explained that they had given me medication, blood, and fluids through an IV.
I reached down and rubbed the spot where the IV had been. They removed it early that morning, once my color had come back.
“You’ll need to take it easy for several weeks, at least eight. You didn’t have a normal birth,” she told me.
“I don’t know where I’m supposed to go. I don’t know what to do,” I muttered.
“Don’t cha worry about that right now, chile,” she said.
“I’m definitely worried about it. I’ve been a prisoner for sixteen weeks,” I said, looking at my hands resting in my lap.
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” she said.
I nodded.
“I need to talk about another thing before the men come back in. I know that your baby isn’t here, but your body doesn’t understand that, okay?”
“Okay?” I said, not sure what she meant.
“You’re gonna lactate. In a few days, your breasts will feel full. It will be uncomfortable. I’ll make sure you get a tight bra and some cabbage leaves to help,” she said.
“Oh,” I said.
My baby was born. He lived, and my body didn’t know he was gone. I’d make milk. Every day, my body would remind me that I should have my baby in my arms, nursing. Who the fuck was I kidding? They weren’t going to let me keep the baby anyway. I was as good as dead regardless of when he was born.
“Now, Quinn will be takin' ya out to a cabin in the bayou, to rest and recover. We weren’t quite done with it, not quite ready for ya—”
The door opened, and Quinnlyn came back in. The doctor was no longer there.
“I think Dr. Arthur wants a word outside, Titi,” he said.
She got up and left the room, shutting the door behind her. My brows furrowed. Her last statement was playing in my head.Not quite ready for ya.
“Your aunt said we’re going to a cabin… it sounded like they had been preparing it for me—for us?” I said to Quinnlyn.
“Sure… I called ahead and told them what happened. You needed help. Would you rather have me leave you to die?”
“Part of me wanted that…” I muttered.
His eyes widened, his lips tightened. He didn’t say anything for a long moment.
