Page 8 of No Turning Back
“How many are there left in the world?” Wrenn asks, and I look down at the wagon she’s pulling and see a pretty little girl with long dark pigtails watching me.
“Currently there are about fifteen to twenty thousand of the southern white rhinos like Umi, but there are only two of the northern white rhinos left, and they are both females. There are about six thousand black rhinos. Just over four thousand greater one-horned rhinos, while there are only fifty Javan and about thirty-four Sumatran in Indonesia. As you can tell, several rhino species are critically endangered.”
Every day I look up the numbers so that I’m on point when we have these talks. I feel like everyone should know how serious endangerment is. How fragile life is for these beautiful animals. And it’s all because of humans. If we could stop the poaching of their horns and hunting them, they wouldn’t be endangered.
“Why are there so few?” another woman asks. Her hand rests on the shoulder of a boy.
“Because rhinos are hunted for their horns. In countries such as China, rhino horn is used medicinally,” I answer. Her son looks away from Umi and up at me.
“So, their horn is like antlers on deer, but special?”
I lean down to the boy and point at Umi. “Actually, a rhino horn is not the same as deer antlers. Antlers are bone, and they are shed with time. Rhino horn is made of keratin and is never shed. It keeps growing. Did you know that keratin is the same thing as your fingernails?” I show him my nails. “In many cultures, rhino horn is used in their medicine, and some people just want the horns as displays.”
“Does it hurt to cut them off?” the little boy asks.
I force a smile because I know the answer will break his little heart.
“No, it doesn’t hurt, but they kill the rhino to get the horn because they can’t just walk up to it and cut it off.”
“That’s not nice.”
The little boy looks up at his mother, devastated, and I want to console him, tell him it will be alright, but I know it won’t. There are too many evil people out there who will hunt these animals just because they think they can. I shift on my ankle as I remember how dangerous it really is out there.
“No, it isn’t.” I shake my head as his eyes fill with tears.
“Are elephant tusks the same thing?” another little girl, a bit older than the boy, asks. I stand and look at her.
“Actually, elephants have ivory for their tusks.”
“Why do they kill them then?”
“Because lots of countries and places like to carve the ivory.” I smile at the little girl, sad that they are learning at a young age that not all people are nice, but education is important for change.
I knew when I took this job that I would be making a difference in a different way than I did before.
“When I lived in Africa, we would follow the elephants as they trekked from one country or area to another. We’d educate the villages and locals on how to keep elephants out of their fields, and we helped by studying them.”
“You lived with the elephants?” both the boy and girl say at the same time.
The little girl with Wrenn looks up at me from her wagon with awe in her eyes. I smile down at her.
“I lived in a tent a lot of times, but yes, we were around the elephants and rhinos. We’d help with finding poachers and keeping them away.”
“Wow,” the kids all exclaim.
They continue to ask me questions, but not about Umi, more about camping and my expeditions. After a bit, they all move on except for Wrenn, whose waddle is very pronounced as she moves toward me. I see Aries standing not far behind her, as if he’s worried she’s going to give birth at any moment.
“Are you hiding from me?” She smiles. She’s got me now.
I think about that night three weeks ago. I fell asleep in Tucker’s arms after my panic attack. I remember him trying to calm me. I remember so much about that night that I would like to forget. I didn’t even wake him up when I left in the middle of the night. I snuck out without telling Wrenn or Drea that I was leaving. There were only a few people around when I left. I had an Uber pick me up out front, and I ran like a chickenshit because I knew I couldn’t give him or any man what they’d want. I’m broken. I’ve done things no one could imagine.
I turn so she won’t see me lie to her, because the truth is, I was hiding from her. I read her text messages. She said he’d sent her a text saying I was with him. She’s tried calling me. My mom even cornered me, trying to get me to spill about what happened. But I wouldn’t tell her, and I won’t tell anyone.
What I shared with Tucker has to remain between us, because I know it won’t ever go anywhere. But I loved it so much. To be held and to feel safe for the first time in over a year was more than I could have hoped for. He made me feel whole.
“No.” I shrug and pick up trash someone missed putting in the can. “Well, I need to get back to work. It was good to see you.” I try to walk off, but she reaches out and grips my arm gently.
“Syd, I’m not mad at you for running off. I don’t know what happened. I just know that you were with Poseidon. Why don’t you come over for dinner tomorrow night and we can hang out? Of course, my husband will be there and maybe a couple of the guys from the club, but nothing big. Bring Mari,” she implores.
