Page 37 of No Turning Back
I fire my gun as I scream.
I come awake screaming, clawing at the haze around me. Tucker holds me close, saying soft words in my ear. The memories roll through my mind. I cry for the man I killed, because no amount of training prepares you to take another human’s life. I cry for the people who died—the innocent photographers, filmmakers, and biologists. For the situation I was put in.
I cling to Tucker as he holds me. He asks all the time about what happened to me, but I can’t tell him. I know he suspects a lot, but I never confirm his fears. My own fear is too great. I’m sure as a soldier and honorable man he won’t understand why I killed. That I killed instead of injuring. That I was charged with murder. I’m a murderer, just as much as Bahati and the Brigade.
In the two months since the incident with my car, I’ve struggled still to tell my counselor exactly what happened to me. I talk about the betrayal of finding out Bahati was married and cheating on his wife with me. I don’t tell her what I had to do. Or the further betrayal of learning he was a high-ranking Brigade member who only dated me and sought me out because of my position with the conservation filming crew.
I drift off back to sleep, ignoring the questions, pretending I don’t hear them. I can’t lie to Tucker, so I avoid the truth. I’m not ready to lose him.
“Spitfire, how soon until you’re ready?” Tucker’s voice comes from the bedroom. “Fuck, baby, what the hell are you doing?” he says when he enters the bathroom.
I’m bent over the tub, scrunching my hair to bring out the natural wave. I’ve been wearing it wavier than taking the time to straighten it lately. The summer heat and humidity wreak havoc on my hair when it’s straightened. I’m in a towel with a microfiber towel in my hands as I do what they call a micro plop on my hair.
Today the Drago Defiance is doing a ride together, and I’m excited to spend the day with not only my man but Wrenn too. She is having her parents babysit Jori so that she can go on the ride with us. I’ve been so busy with work and counseling that we haven’t spent time together. Wrenn is also busy with going back to work and learning to fit a baby into her schedule.
It’s already August, and Mari’s birthday is a week and a half away. We are planning a huge party for her, but today is just about us.
Tucker moves in behind me and drops to his knees. He flips the edge of the towel up, exposing me. He already had me this morning and again in the shower, but as usual, we can’t keep our hands off each other. His big hands wrap around my thighs and pull me back. I drop the towel and grip the edge of the tub as his tongue works through my folds, zeroing in on my clit.
“Tucker,” I moan as he slips two fingers in me.
“I’ve got to have you again, baby.”
He stands, leaving me hanging on the cusp. Turning my head, I watch him unbuckle his belt and drop his jeans. His long, thick cock is already hard and pointed at me, the tip ruddy with need for me.
“Hold on. This is going to be fast.” He warns as he pushes inside me in one long thrust.
“Please,” I beg as he pulls out and slams back home.
He fills me up to the point of almost too much, but I wouldn’t change it at all. His grip on my hips is almost bruising. His thrusts are slow on the out and hard on the in, and my eyes start to roll back. He moves in me, over and over. Then he lifts one of his legs up on the side of the tub, changing the angle of his penetration. I moan and cry out, demanding more of him, and he gives it to me. His heat is more than usual. I can feel everything from the veins along his cock to the edge of his head when he pulls it out to the tip.
“I love watching how wet I get you. Seeing you all over my cock. Get there, baby, because I’m going to blow.”
I reach between my legs and rub my clit in circles. I go off as he slams into me a final time. He holds himself tight against me. His cum leaking out of me. And that’s when I realize why he felt so good. Shit.
“Oh fuck, baby, I was so turned on I didn’t realize we missed using a condom.”
“It was only once. We have got to be careful,” I say as he pulls me up and turns me in his arms. His lips come down on mine in a gentle kiss.
“If it ever happened, you know I would make it right. I want you and Mari in my life,” he says, his hands resting against my cheeks. His eyes boring into mine. Seeing everything.
I let my eyes fall closed, knowing that no matter how much I care for him, it could never happen. I couldn’t burden him with Mari’s and my lives. Or the reality of what I did.
His hands squeeze me slightly. “I’m serious, Sydney. You and me, baby.”
I open my eyes and look up at him. Unable to speak the words, I just nod.
“Let’s clean up and get ready to head out,” he says.
Again, I only nod and watch as he cleans himself and pulls his clothes back on. My heart clenches because I don’t know how much longer I can keep the secrets from him. How much longer I can keep my past from ruining my future. He turns to look at me, and his lips tip up as he takes me in again.
“I swear, spitfire, if you don’t get dressed right now, I’m going to take you again, and we will be in that bed for the rest of the day.” His hand swings toward the bedroom. I smile back because that would be so nice. Just him and me making love all day. “Don’t forget Wrenn wants to spend time with you.” He chuckles and walks out of the bathroom.
I finish getting ready. I’m in ripped up jeans, a pair of Doc Martens with flowers on them, and a black T-shirt. With my leather jacket over my arm, I stroll out to the living room as the doorbell rings.
In the last few months since the car incident, there hasn’t been anything else. Colton has come back for brief visits with his kids and hasn’t bothered me, so I don’t even think about it when I swing open the door.
I scream as I take in the scene in front of me. The stuffed animal rhinoceros has a Nashville Zoo tag on it and is covered in blood, not paint. I know the difference. Tucker is beside me before I can reach for it. He pulls me into his body and cusses. Then Aries and another one of the guys from the club are on my porch too. Tucker buries my head in his chest as the sobs overtake me and my body trembles. I don’t see the stuffed animal in my mind’s eye. I see that final rhino, lying on the earth of the savanna he roamed, his eyes closed. His body perfect, except for the hacked off horn and bullet hole in his skull.
