Page 12 of No Turning Back
“Syd, I think Mari is getting hungry.” Wrenn interrupts us.
Sydney jumps away from me and to the side. I drop my head. God damn it. I need to get her away from all these distractions so I can have her all to myself.
“Thanks, Wrenn,” I grumble, and she giggles.
I turn around and see the baby Wrenn is holding reaching for Sydney. Her skin is a tawny hue. She has soft umber curly hair, and her eyes are a beautiful hazel. Her nose and lips are her mother’s. She has a cherub-shaped face, and when she smiles at me, my heart skips a beat. This is Sydney’s baby and the most precious thing I’ve seen.
“You can nurse her in my room if you want privacy.” Wrenn offers.
I get it now. Sydney thinks I won’t want her because of her child. I don’t know where the father is or what part he has in Sydney’s life, but I know she’s single, and it’s his loss.
Wrenn and Sydney make their way out of the kitchen, and like the lovesick puppy I am, I follow along. I can’t have her close and not be in her space. She’s a magnet that I’m drawn to, a planet my moon wants to orbit.
Sydney reaches for a diaper backpack and opens it. She pulls out a few things and settles in a chair. I watch as she adjusts the blanket over herself. Baby Mari pulls at the blanket and starts to fuss.
“Now that Mari is five months old, I think I’m going to have to stop nursing her soon. But I’ll enjoy it while I can. With my work schedule, I can’t keep pumping and giving her what she needs. I only nurse her when I’m off now, and she gets formula while at daycare,” Sydney responds to a question Wrenn asked her. It must have been about nursing. I’m just staring at her, wondering what her nipples taste like.
“I know you said it’s just Mari and you, but what happened to Mari’s dad, if you don’t mind me asking?” Wrenn asks.
I focus on the question. Maybe I can get some information on the putz. Any man who would walk away from these beauties deserves to have his knees wacked.
“He…” She pauses for a moment, and I’m on alert. “He died before Mari was born.” Her voice is soft, and her eyes are focused on the blanket over her daughter’s head.
“I’m so sorry, Syd. I had no clue.” Wrenn moves over to where Sydney sits and rubs her shoulder.
I watch as Sydney composes herself. But it’s not tears I see in her eyes. Yes, there’s pain but also anger. Her teeth are gritted. Her jaw locked. Her body is tight. She visibly calms herself, and I watch as a fake smile comes over her features.
“We weren’t close.” She brushes it off and changes the subject.
A couple of hours later, after everyone has eaten and visited, I walk Sydney and Mari home. She tried to talk me out of it, but I still need to get her to agree to a date.
“You’ve had some time to come up with an excuse, so I’m not going to let you off the hook. If you can’t find a babysitter, I’m sure Wrenn would help.” I nod toward Mari, who is almost asleep on Sydney’s shoulder. “I’ll pick you up at two on Sunday. Dress warm. Can I have your number?” I reach out and brush my hand down the side of her face.
“I guess,” she says softly and reaches into the baby bag for her cell phone.
It takes her a moment of indecision before she unlocks it and hands it to me, and I call my cell from it. She’s overly cautious, and it gives me only a moment of pause. I’ll protect these two with everything in me.
“Now we have each other’s numbers. Don’t chicken out on me, spitfire.”
I turn and head to my truck as soon as she’s inside her house.
I pull up to the compound with the feel of her soft skin on my fingertips and the look in her eyes. I wanted to lean down and kiss her, but I knew she would use that to push me away, and I’m not giving her any chance to get away from me. Sunday she is all mine. No interruptions. Just her and me.
Chapter Five
Sydney
Sunday rolls around and I’m still tired, but I got a bit more rest yesterday and cleaned the house. My mom is watching Mari for me today. I dropped her off and now I’m standing in front of my closet trying to figure out what to wear. I can’t imagine what he wants to do for the day, but he said to dress warm. I decide on a pair of tight black jeans with low-heeled boots, a black long-sleeved mock turtleneck sweater, and my black leather biker jacket. I slip my beaded Zulu bracelets onto my wrist.
Every time I do this, I remember the girl who gave them to me. I won’t forget her name. It’s Mari’s middle name in her honor. That family saved me. Mari and I wouldn’t be alive without them.
Taking a deep breath, I let the memories go. I can’t have a day with Tucker if I’m thinking of back then.
I make my way into the bathroom and flip my head over. I rake my fingers through my waves to break them up and give them a wild look before pulling my hair back into a low ponytail.
I texted with Lydia for a bit, trying to talk myself out of this date. But she told me to take a leap and have some fun. She might be one of my closest friends, but like everyone around, she doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know what I went through. What I had to do. The choice I had to make. She only thinks with hearts in her eyes since she’s been married to her high school sweetheart and has been in love with him since she was fourteen. She is the mother to twins, a boy and a girl. I couldn’t tell her how Tucker makes me feel. How he saw too much of me on Friday. He saw the pain I hide under the makeup. I feel like he can see into my soul and knows the horror I’ve lived through.
I put on heavier foundation to cover the dark spots left from the nightmares that greet me every time I close my eyes. For my eyes, I do a dark brown liner with a softer brown lid and a swipe of mascara. I’m one of those few women gifted with thick, full lashes and brows I don’t have to color in, just brush. Grabbing my matte deep red lipstick, I color my lips and look at myself in the mirror. My happy persona is on. A mask I use to make people think I’m just like them when I’m far from it. I smile, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. Maybe one day I’ll fake it enough that I will truly be happy. Then I’ll sleep and be able to enjoy life again. For now, I’ll do the best I can for my daughter and those around me.
