Page 36 of Noticing Natalie
She gave me a hug. “Good. I don’t think I’d even be mad at you for messing with me at this point.”
I huffed out another laugh. “So, you don’t mind if I throw firecrackers near your feet in the dead of night?”
“Don’t push it.”
***
I pulled into the parking lot and sat in the car for a moment trying to gather up the courage to do this. I glanced at the counseling center. It seemed like a nice enough place. I just wasn’t real excited to be talking about painful things. It seemed awful.
But Sadie swore up and down it helped her.
I got out and walked across the parking lot. It was early September, and still as hot as the dead of summer. Heat waves were visible coming off the blacktop. I was already starting tosweat in the sweltering heat and humidity. Even so, I walked slowly. I wasn’t in a hurry to get this started.
I had to admit the wave of air conditioning that hit me in the face when I opened the door and went inside was a huge relief. I walked up to the receptionist’s desk and signed in. She started trying to talk to me, smiling and leaning forward to give me a few down her blouse. I glanced at her. She was my usual type. Blonde, nice rack, pretty. But I wasn’t the least bit interested.
I gave her a small head nod and went to sit down, ignoring the disappointed look on her face. After years of an endless cycle of beautiful women in my bed, I’d been completely disinterested in women lately. If I needed to get off, I had my hand. Sex was what had gotten me in this horrible situation, and I was taking a break. I didn’t even set out to do it. It just happened.
“Mr. Summers?”
I looked up. A pleasant looking middle-aged man was standing in the open door to the offices. I stood and walked over to him.
“I’m Hugh Lawrence. But feel free to call me Hugh. Follow me,” he said with a friendly but professional smile.
I felt my hands starting to sweat. My heartbeat was picking up. I really hated talking about anything personal with strangers. But the thing with Annika? What I did to Nat? Thinking of talking about those things made me feel sick.
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but he jumped right into things.
“Tell me what brings you in today.”
And I did. I told him everything in a kind of stream of consciousness way, moving from one thing to the next and bouncing back and forth between the worst parts of my life. But he took it all in stride.
After I was through with my massive word vomit, he nodded. “I believe I can help you. I recommend that you see me weekly to start with. After a few months, we’ll revisit that schedule.” Helooked down at his laptop, moving his glasses from the top of his head and onto his nose. “I went over your pre-session paperwork with one of our psychiatrists. He agreed with my thoughts that you’re suffering from mild depression. Now, we could start with talk therapy only, but I believe you could benefit from a low dose anti-depressant. It’s up to you, though.”
I blinked at him. Then I realized he was waiting on me to decide. “Um… I guess I wouldn’t mind a low dose medication.”
He nodded. “I think that’s a good choice. When you leave today, you’ll need to make an appointment for next week. I’ll coordinate it with one of our psychiatrists’ schedules and you’ll see them first.”
I nodded and shook his hand before leaving. I couldn’t believe it, but there had been something about spewing out all that information to an unbiased person who didn’t know me that really had made me feel better.
As I went back into the oven outside, I felt lighter than I had in weeks. Maybe months.
***
A few weeks went by, and I felt as if I was getting somewhere with Hugh. I also was feeling a bit better overall, and I thought it was probably the antidepressant they’d put me on.
Today’s session, though, seemed to be going a bit differently. Up until now, Hugh had mainly listened. But that changed.
“You seem more upset today,” he commented as I sat down.
I sighed. “I am,” I admitted. “I found out a couple of things recently. The first thing is that my family got to go to Natalie’s graduation from Emory without me. I wasn’t invited.”
He cocked his head a little at me. “Do you think you should have been invited?”
I gaped at him. “Um. Well, yeah. I’ve known her forever. She’smyfriend, but I found out all my sisters got to go andsee this momentous moment in her life. But she didn’t want me there.”
“Do you think that would have been fair to Natalie?”
I paused. My anger deflating a bit. “What do you mean?”
