Page 33 of Noticing Natalie
“That’s my best friend’s daughter, Tim. She was my college roommate. She moved her family to Indigo Falls so our kids could grow up together. We used to sit and watch y’all play together and talk about our hopes and dreams for your future. I can’t believe thatyou’rethe one who hurt our sweet Natalie.” Mom’s voice broke, and I flinched. Mom took a gasping breath, trying to calm down. “She loved you, you know.”
“Mrs. Martin? I loved her, too.”
“Yes. She loved you. But that’s not who I was talking about.”
My head shot up.
“I was talking about Natalie. That girl has had a crush on you since she was about fourteen years old.”
I frowned and shook my head. “No. She didn’t see me that way. Maybe recently, but that’s all.”
Mom shook her head. “No. You’ve felt it towards her since she came back from France, but she’s loved you from a distance for much longer than that.”
I stared at Mom. Was she right? She couldn’t be. I thought back to all the times I’d thought Nat was irritated with me over other girls. Prom. That Tawny girl. And countless others.Suddenly it was as clear as day to me. She had been into me. For years, maybe. And I’d treated her like she meant nothing. Like she was as meaningless as the woman I slept with last night.
I put my head in my hands. After a while I heard Mom walk off.
I sat like that as the light changed around me. It went from that golden late afternoon tint, to sunset, to dark. I heard people laughing and talking as they walked by to get their seats on the levee. I heard the fireworks going off and watched them like a zombie from that chair in my parents’ backyard.
I had never felt more alone.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Tim
I couldn’t believe it when I saw her walk through the door, come down the steps, and make her way to sit by the creek in the Adirondack chairs I had set up out there for the two of us. She was really here. Alexis had worked magic. For someone most people thought was mean, she had a kind heart that she kept hidden away from the world.
Natalie looked beautiful, like she always did, but she had dark circles under her swollen eyes. Mine were the same, as if we were mirror images. “Thanks for coming,” I said, my voice sounding raspy.
She didn’t say anything; she just sat down.
“Nat?”
She met my eyes, and my heart skipped a beat. Her eyes were always gorgeous, but they looked extra bright, a brighter blue-green since she’d been crying. I had done this to her. It wasn’t intentional, but it was still because of my actions that she was sad like this.
She turned and stared back at the creek, not looking at me any longer. “Alexis said you wanted a chance to explain something to me. I honestly don’t know what there is for you to say. It’s not exactly hard to grasp that you didn’t want anything beyond friendship with me. I just wish you’d had the guts to tell me that to my face instead of fucking the first woman who camealong.” She shook her head. “You invited me to your condo, Tim.You invited me. Did you want me to see that? Was that your way to let me down easy?”
“No! My God, no.” I ran a hand through my hair, nervous. “Listen, I have something I want to say, and I want you wait to say anything until I’m finished. Okay?”
She gave a slight nod.
“Nat, what happened between us… it was a mistake.”
She flinched like I’d hit her.
“Don’t get me wrong,” I said quickly. “What happened between us was like nothing I’ve ever experienced with another woman.” I was getting emotional, and my voice sounded raw, brutal, honest. I hoped she could feel it, because it felt like the words were coming from the center of my heart.
She glanced at me. “Then what’s the problem?”
“There are a couple. First, you’re my best friend. You’re the person I tell everything. The one who knows who I really am, what I’m thinking, and all of those little things that have always made us inseparable. And, Nat, if you ever hurt me? I don’t think I’d ever be okay again. So, it’s easier to just… not be more than friends.”
I wiped my hands on my shorts. “And the second is, um,me. I’ve chosen a certain path for myself, at least for now. I don’t want serious relationships. I’m not willing to give more than my body to a woman. And even that is temporary. If you want more than friends with benefits, I can’t do it…”
She looked at me sharply. “Friends with benefits? That’s what you want from me?”
It was. So, I dived in. “Yes. Think about how great it would be. We’re great together in every way, in and out of the bedroom…”
“Let me cut you off right there. I’m not going to be your fuck buddy.”
