Page 55 of So Deadly
Jessica frowned, more with concern than frustration.“You all right, Faith?”
Faith didn’t really have an answer to that, but she didn’t want to get pulled into a conversation, so she said, “Yeah.I’m all right.”
“Whatever happens, she’ll end up off the streets,” Jenkins said.“She’ll get permanent care at a maximum-security mental health facility.I’ve been to those places.It’s pretty much jail with medicine to keep the inmates calm.”
Faith sipped more coffee to hide the grimace that came to her face.She didn’t think Jennifer was mentally ill enough to justify her murders.She’d interacted with people who were.Jennifer wasn’t well, but Faith didn’t think she deserved to get off scot free.
Still, she couldn’t help but wonder what might have been if she hadn’t lost Princess.Maybe she would have worked through her mental health issues.Maybe the violent side of her would never have had a chance to emerge the way it did.Maybe.
She hated that word.If she could summarize in one feeling why she was ready to leave fieldwork again, it would be that word.Ironically, the desire for certainty was what had pushed her into this job in the first place.She didn’t like hidden things.She didn’t like that snakes could slither through the tall grass and use darkness to hide their predatory nature.Her job was to expose them, to make them clear and visible for everyone to see.This is the murderer.This is what she looks like.
The problem was that even when she found the answers, they weren’t always clear.Was Jennifer Suleiman an irredeemable monster?Was she a sick woman who lost her way due to an unfortunate accident?Was she somewhere in between?Was there such a thing as in between?
Maybe.And maybe it was time to let other people agonize over that question and give Turk his last few good years of rest while she taught others how to brave the dark waters of violence and death.
“Faith?You still with us?”
Faith smiled at Jenkins.“Kind of all over the place, to be honest.Sorry, what were you asking?”
“No, I wasn’t asking anything.We just noticed you haven’t said anything in a while.”
Turk whined and placed his head on her lap.She looked down at him.The white on his muzzle was spreading to his forehead and cheeks.The steel gray on his back had completely overtaken the dark brown of his younger coat.He was still strong, but there was a tiredness in his eyes she hadn’t seen before.He had beaten age back for years longer than most other dogs, especially hardworking dogs like FBI K9s, but he was nearing the end of his race.
That made Faith’s decision easy.“I think I’m going to step back from fieldwork again.”
Jessica snapped forward, eyes wide.Jenkins nodded in understanding.Turk just looked at Faith with the same trust and love he’d always shown.Whatever decision she made, he would be at her side until the end.
“Seriously?”Jessica asked.“Why?”
The answer to that question was both simple and impossible to articulate.It was something Jessica would have to learn in her own way in her own time.For now, Faith gave her the only answer she could.“It’s time.Turk needs to rest, and so do I.”
“Well, Jesus, Faith.I mean… We’ve only been partners for a little over a year.”
“I know,” Faith said.“I didn’t think the end was going to come so quickly either.We’re still friends, though.”
“Well yeah, duh, but…”
Faith saw the fear in Jessica’s eyes and gave her an encouraging smile.“You’re ready.You’ve grown so much in just the past year.You’re a very strong investigator and a very sharp-minded individual.And you have passion.Hold onto that passion for as long as you can.That’s what’s going to get you through the long nights and hard days.”
Jenkins cleared his throat, a little uncomfortable at being the obvious third wheel.“Well, you keep your passion, and I’ll keep my paperwork.Be grateful you have other people to do most of that for you.Newton PD makes its detectives put in work.”He got to his feet.“Say goodbye before you take off, okay?And if you ever happen to be in the area, stop by for a donut.”
“We will,” Faith said.“Thank you.”
He left the room, and Jessica blinked back tears.“Wow.I guess this shouldn’t have blindsided me, but it kind of did.”
“Yeah,” Faith said.“Me too.Just kind of came out of nowhere.”
That wasn’t exactly true, of course.Now that Faith had aired the decision out loud, she could look back and realize that she’d had one foot pointed toward the door ever since agreeing to take that first case in Baltimore over a year ago.Most of the killers she faced here weren’t monsters so much as they were unlucky people who reacted badly to their misfortune.One of them was mentally handicapped from a brain injury and was now living the remainder of his days in one of those maximum-security mental health facilities Jenkins was talking about.
And the victims might not always have been wonderful people, but none of them deserved the ends they met.Seeing the torn bodies of Thomas Webb and Margaret Hayes was the straw that broke the camel’s back.It was time to move on.
Her phone rang.When she saw David’s number, she stopped breathing for a second.Her head actually swam as her brain shifted gears and recalled the one final mountain she had to climb.
She answered the phone.“David?Hello?”
Jessica’s eyes snapped open.She opened her mouth, probably to ask if he was okay, then closed it when she realized now wasn’t the time to interrupt.
“Hey.”
