Page 74 of The Duke on Her List
“I’m sorry,” Helena said. “I know I’m not supposed to bother you while you’re working.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he told her, closing his books. “I wasn’t getting much work done anyway, to tell you the truth. What’s on your mind? Is there something I can do for you?”
She came into the room and sat down facing him, her hands in her lap. “I really just wanted to see how you were doing,” she said. “You’ve been shut up in your study all day, Uncle Gabriel.”
“I often work all day,” he reminded her with a small smile that didn’t feel quite natural. “It isn’t anything to worry over.”
“Well, I don’t know,” she countered. “It hasn’t escaped my notice that your courtship with Lady Agnes just recently came to an end. I’m sure you must be feeling some measure of distress about it.”
His smile grew slightly more genuine. “Helena, are you trying to take care of me?”
“Someone ought to,” she said stubbornly. “I’m not a child anymore, Uncle Gabriel. I can see that you’re upset.”
He pondered that. Perhaps honesty—or at least, some measure of honesty—was the best option here.
“It is somewhat difficult,” he admitted. “Lady Agnes and I had many good times together, and as I’m sure you can understand,when something enjoyable is happening, it can be upsetting to see it come to an end. I do miss the times we shared. But at the same time, I’m grateful for the fact that we had those times at all, and I know that it’s all been for the best.”
“You say that as if it’s very simple,” Helena said. “As if logic is the only thing involved in the matter.”
“Logic is the best way to deal with it,” Gabriel said.
“Uncle Gabriel, that can’t be true,” Helena protested. “You really mean to tell me that the best way to manage a matter of the heart is with cold logic?”
“To call it a matter of the heart is overstating things a bit,” Gabriel said. “It’s not as if Lady Agnes and I were in love with one another. Didn’t I tell you from the start that you shouldn’t worry about a union between the two of us? That there would be no marriage?”
“Yes,” Helena admitted. “That’s what you said.”
“So how is it that you’re sitting there worrying about things like heartbreak, when you know that isn’t what this is?”
“Uncle Gabriel, you know as well as I that love isn’t something you can just make a decision about,” Helena admonished. “Do you think I fell in love with Benjamin because it was a rational decision to do so?”
“Oh, I know beyond a doubt that rationality didn’t enter intothatpicture,” Gabriel grumbled.
“Well, exactly!” Helena said. “My heart overtook me, that’s all.”
“But I’m not a young girl,” Gabriel said. “I have much more experience in these matters than you do, Helena.”
“I’m not sure that’s true,” Helena said. “After all, when have you ever been in love? How could you claim to know anything about the way love takes hold of a person when it has never happened to you? But the truth is, Uncle, I believe that ithashappened to you. I think you fell in love with Lady Agnes, and you don’t wish to admit to it for some reason. Perhaps it frightens you to know that you have such feelings.”
Gabriel shook his head. “I think you may be speaking of yourself here,” he said. “Areyoufrightened by your infatuation with the solicitor’s boy?”
“Well, certainly,” Helena said. “That’s why I was so anxious to discuss the matter with Lady Agnes, you know. She may be a spinster, but she is also a woman. She understands the way I’m feeling as well as anyone can.”
Ah. Now Gabriel thought he understood what was going on. He felt rather bad about it as he recalled his conversation with his friends. “It meant something to you, didn’t it?” he asked his niece. “Having her in your life. Having a woman to confide your troubles in?”
“It was very nice,” Helena admitted. “I did like it quite a bit.”
“I know it’s been difficult for you to face the thought of being raised by a gentleman,” he said. “With no female influences in your life. Of course, the loss of your parents is tragic in its own right. But it’s also terrible that you have no woman to look up to. Not a mother…not even an aunt.”
He swallowed hard. Perhaps he needed to set his own feelings aside for the sake of his niece. He had always intended to do that. But only now was he beginning to understand that he might have been wrong, all along, about what she wanted. About what she might need.
“I wonder,” he said, “whether you wish I was married. Whether you would be more content if there was a woman in our lives. Someone you could turn to when you wanted to seek advice about the unique struggles of ladies.”
“Oh, you know I’d prefer that!” Helena sat up straighter. “I’m so glad you’re asking, Uncle Gabriel. I didn’t think you realized.”
“Well, if it means that much to you,” Gabriel said, “I don’t mind seeking out a courtship. I never thought to marry, but after all, I’m going to hope thatyouwill marry when the time comes, and if you would feel more at ease in our family with a lady around, perhaps that’s something we ought to pursue.”
“So you really think that she’ll accept you back?” Helena asked eagerly. “I worried she might not, given the way things seem tohave ended between you, but you know her better than I do. If you believe it’s possible, I have hope.”
