Page 62 of The Duke on Her List
“She was taken to an asylum,” Agnes said. “It reached a point where she was just…crying all the time. Couldn’t control her emotions. Couldn’t keep herself calm. And I vowed then and there that I would never allow myself to become so infatuated with a man that his actions could affect me that way.”
She had never said these words aloud. She hadn’t even been this forthcoming with Reeves about her reasons for not wanting to marry, though he had likely guessed at it. In her own mind, when the memory of her mother’s torment came up, she simplypushed it away. It wasn’t part of her life anymore. It was a tragedy of her youth, and by remaining unmarried, she had kept it from impacting her.
But now she saw that that wasn’t the case at all. Her mother’s life hung like a shadow over everything she did. Because Gabriel was right.
Her list had started out as a way to bring adventure to her life. But as it had continued, more and more, it had become about the things she had denied herself by remaining unmarried.
Dancing with a gentleman in the rain. There was a sense of wildness in that, a sort of abandon. She had felt it when they had been out there today. How free they had been with one another. How willing to let go of their responsibilities. If a person were truly in love, life would surely be full of moments like that. Every day would contain moments like that.
And the proposal. She had written down on the list that she wanted to say no to it, but the moment she had the option, she had nearly said yes. It was as if a part of her had really wanted it all along.
Had that always been true? Or was that something Gabriel had brought out in her?
He was watching her quietly now, as though waiting for her to sort through her thoughts. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “That’s a terrible thing for a child to have to go through.”
“I had Reeves,” she said. “He and I were always there for each other. But…yes. It was difficult.”
“And so you never married,” he said. “Because you didn’t want to be put through the things your father put your mother through.”
“I know it seems mad.”
“It doesn’t at all,” he countered. “You forget…I never married either.”
She met his eyes. “You’ve never acted as though our choices could be compared,” she murmured. “You’ve always seemed to think that it was rational for a gentleman to remain unmarried, but senseless for a lady.”
“More difficult for a lady,” he said. “But if there’s one thing I’ve come to realize about you, Agnes, it’s that you’re about as far away fromsenselessas it’s possible to be. You think through every move you make. You do everything with the utmost care and consideration…except for the writing of that list of yours,” he added, and a smile finally broke across his face. “That might be the most carefree thing you’ve ever done in your life.”
“Nearly finished now,” she murmured.
“Yes,” he agreed. “Only one thing left…and you still haven’t told me what it is.”
She looked away.
“If it helps,” he said quietly, “I think I might know.”
“You don’t have to do it,” she said. “The last item. You don’t have to finish the list with me. I don’t want you to feel obligated.”
“I don’t,” he said. “And if that item is what I believe it to be…I’d much rather you complete the list with me than with someone else.”
“I don’t know what to do when you say things like that,” she whispered, aching. How was she supposed to understand his feelings for her when he spoke that way? How was she supposed to keep her grip on the reality of what was happening?
Don’t let it mean more than it does. Remember, this is the man who proposed to you and acted like he meant it because he wanted you to have the experience of thinking something real was happening. This is a man who knows how to put on a show.
“Agnes,” he said. “The last thing on your list…it’s a kiss, isn't it?”
Agnes nodded mutely. Of course, he had guessed correctly. He had always seen right through to the very heart of her.
She only wished she could have the same vision when it came to his heart.
CHAPTER 29
Akiss.
That’s the last thing on the list. A kiss.
Gabriel’s heart pounded madly. He had so hoped for this, though it was only now that he was realizing it. He had wanted this to be the last thing on the list. Ever since the proposal, when he had begun to realize the direction in which this was all heading, he’d had this thought at the back of his mind. That maybe, before this was all over, he would get to kiss her.
How disorienting it was to realize that he wanted to!
