Page 46 of The Duke on Her List
Helena sighed and dropped into a chair. “I’m in love,” she said dramatically.
Agnes stared. “You haven’t even made your debut yet, Helena! When did you fall in love?”
“It wasn’t meant to happen,” Helena said, sitting forward. “But sometimes matters of the heart don’t listen to reason. I’m sure you know all about that, don’t you?”
“I’m unmarried, Helena. You know that. I’ve never been in love.”
“Truly, not ever? Not even when you were young? There must have been a time,” Helena said. “There must have been at least one time when you met someone and fell for him. When looking into someone’s eyes rewrote everything you thought you knew about the world. Can you really tell me it’s never happened?”
“It’s never happened,” Agnes said firmly.
But a part of her wondered—was that really true? Or was she ignoring what was staring her right in the face? What had happened with Gabriel had shocked her, and if she was honest with herself, it had felt exactly like what Helena was describing. She had looked him in the eyes and lost her grip on her understanding of the world—and of herself.
I’m not in love with him.
No, of course she wasn’t. But there was something there—something impossible to ignore or deny.
She cleared her throat. “Who is this young man you say you’re in love with?”
“His name is Benjamin,” Helena sighed. “And he’s wonderful, Agnes. He’s so handsome. And he likes me too.”
“Does he? How do you know this?”
“He told me I was beautiful.”
“That isn’t much to go on,” Agnes warned her. “You should take the time to get to know a person before you decide you’re in love with him.”
“You mean, you should let him court you, like you’re doing with Uncle Gabriel?”
“Well…yes, I suppose that is what I mean.”
“But that’s what I want,” Helena insisted. “I don’t want to run off and marry Benjamin tomorrow. I know we’re both too young. I’m not foolish. I just want to start to see him more, just like you and Uncle Gabriel did. I want to spend time with him. If I’m going to make my debut soon, it means I’m going to be considered ready for things like courtship and marriage, doesn’t it? I should be able to have a say in these decisions.”
“I don’t know why you’re telling me, though,” Agnes said. “You know it isn’t up to me. It’s for your uncle to decide. Have you told him about this young man, and your feelings toward him.”
“Yes,” Helena said sourly. “And he refuses to listen. He says I can’t be courted by the son of his solicitor. That I have to wait for agentleman.” She scowled. “But what if the person I love most is the son of a solicitor!”
“You didn’t mention that Benjamin was a solicitor’s son.”
“Oh, not you too! You’re going to say he’s unworthy of me because of who his father is?” Helena threw up her hands. “Does love meannothing? I thought you of all people would be able to understand my feelings, Agnes!”
“Slow down,” Agnes said. “I did not say he was unworthy of you, Helena, did I? Please listen to me before you get angry.”
“It’s very difficult not to be angry,” Helena said. “I know what I want, but nobody will allow me to have it.”
“It isn’t up to me,” Agnes said. “And you didn’t come to me for permission. You came to me for perspective. It’s entirely your decision whether you’d like to hear what I have to say, but if you walk away from this conversation without having heard me, you will be doing yourself a disservice.”
Helena breathed in deeply. “Go on,” she said.
Agnes nodded. “I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t marry the son of a solicitor, if that’s who you love.”
“I do love him,” Helena said eagerly. “Truly, I do.”
Agnes held up her hand. “What I am going to tell you, Helena, is that you ought not to rush intoanymarriage. Not without thinking seriously about what it can offer you and evaluating your options. It’s true that this young man might be best suited for you, but how many young men have you met? How many have you considered?”
“You know perfectly well I haven’t thought about marriage to anyone else,” Helena said. “It’s just like you said yourself. I haven’t been out in society yet, so how could I have considered any prospects?”
“That’s exactly my point,” Agnes said. “You should think about your options before you decide you wish to marry anybody. I’mnot saying you should rule this young man out because of who his father is. But I agree with your uncle that you ought to get to know some more people before you declare that you’re in love. You don’t know who you might meet.”
