Page 78 of The Duke on Her List
Gabriel knocked at the door. A moment later, it was opened by a gray-haired man with spectacles. “Your Grace,” the man said. “And…” He looked at Agnes, and his eyes widened, and Agnes knew he had recognized her as the notorious spinster. No doubt he’d heard the gossip about her relationship with Gabriel. A part of her wondered what he must be thinking right now, but that would have to wait. There were more important things to think of.
“May we come in?” Gabriel asked.
The man nodded. “I assume you’re looking for Lady Helena.”
“She’s here, then?”
“Yes, she is. I meant to bring her home to you shortly. My wife is giving her something to eat first.”
Gabriel nodded and stepped across the threshold. Agnes followed. “Mr. Buford, I don’t mind telling you that I’ve been very worried about my niece this evening.”
“I’m sure you have,” Mr. Buford agreed. “I completely understand.”
“Are you aware of the fact that she’s enamored of your boy?”
“It’s entirely mutual, I fear,” Mr. Buford said with a sigh. “I told Benjamin he had no business setting his sights on a young lady of her station, but you know how the young can be. He thinks his love for her will conquer all the obstacles in their way.”
“When we all know that’s not the way love works at all,” Gabriel murmured. “Some obstacles are too high. Some obstacles are insurmountable.”
He didn’t look at Agnes as he said it, but even so, a shiver ran down her spine. Could he be speaking of her? Of the relationship they had shared? Was he thinking of the fact that they hadn’t been able to find a way to be happy with one another?
No. He can’t be.
“I’ll go and get them,” Mr. Buford said. “If you’ll just wait here.”
“You haven’t left them on their own together?” Gabriel’s face darkened.
“Of course not,” Mr. Buford said. “Not for a moment, Your Grace. My wife is with them, as is my younger son.”
Gabriel nodded slowly. “Very well,” he said. “Lady Agnes and I will wait here.”
Mr. Buford disappeared into a hallway.
Agnes looked at Gabriel. “This is good,” she reminded him. “This is good news, Gabriel. We found her. She’s safe and sound. She made a bad decision, but there will be no lasting harm done.”
“How can she be so sure of herself?” Gabriel asked. “How can she think she knows the best thing for her future?”
“I don’t know,” Agnes admitted. “But I do know that I shared her confidence when I was young. I was always sure that spinsterhood was right for me. You couldn’t have convinced me otherwise, no matter what you might have told me. I wouldn’t have listened.”
“But that’s different,” Gabriel said. “Spinsterhoodwasright for you. In your case, it was because you had made a thoughtful decision based on knowing yourself and what you wanted, not because you were enamored of some boy.”
Agnes nodded slowly. She didn’t dare to speak, but the truth was that she was no longer nearly as sure of what he was saying as she had once been. She had spent so long believing with certainty that romance was wrong for her that she would neverbe happy if she tried to find love. But Gabriel had left her in doubt. Was it possible that love could make a person happy? That it could have madeherhappy, if only she had ever given it a chance?
What if I had said yes to his proposal?
She knew she couldn’t have said yes. It had never been a real option, because for all it had felt like one, it had never been a real proposal. Even if he had honored her answer, it was an answer she could never have given. To be married to a man who had never truly wanted her—-that was the very fate she had spent her life trying to avoid.
And yet, thinking about it now, she couldn’t help but feel tempted by it.
What if shehadsaid yes? And what if he had agreed? What if the two of them were married now? Instead of slowly drifting apart, losing everything she’d come to enjoy about their time together, they would be growing together. Forming a life together. It would have been hard at first, but hadn’t the courtship grown easier? Surely the same thing would have happened if they had been married. It would have been awkward, uncomfortable—and then, gradually, it would have begun to make sense.
It doesn’t matter. I could never have done it. It would have been as bad as theft to ask him to propose to me under false pretenses like that. I couldn’t have lived with myself.
But oh, how a part of her wished she could have. That they could have moved forward into that version of reality.
She shook off the thought as Helena made her way into the kitchen alongside a boy of her own age. Both of them looked rather uncomfortable, the boy much more so. They were followed by Mr. Buford.
“Benjamin,” Mr. Buford said severely. “What do you have to say to His Grace?”
