Page 58 of The Duke on Her List
She allowed herself to visualize it for a moment. That wasn’t something she had given a great deal of thought to, even when she had been making the list originally. When she had allowed herself to fantasize, the fantasies had been about the thrill of sneaking into a gentlemen’s club, or about the rush of turning down a proposal, or—boldest of all—item number five, that thingshe couldn’t even quite form in her mind because it was just so elusive.
But now, list item four overtook her with the idea of it. With how lovely it would be to complete it. It was the thought of doing it with Gabriel specifically, she knew, that was so captivating. So enthralling. And to think of his arms around her as the rain poured down…
But this is probably nothing. Just because I’ve written that it’s going to rain, that doesn’t mean it is going to. It probably won’t happen at all.
Before she could overthink it, she sealed the letter and returned it to the footman who had given her the original message with instructions to take it back. He nodded and hurried off.
At once, Agnes wished she had her message back. She wished she had written something clear rather than being so esoteric. But what would she have said if she had? The truth was that she didn’t know.
With a sigh, she went to her library and sat down in the chair nearest the window, gazing out at the grounds.
She had been so happy here for such a long time. This was the life she had built for herself, and she had come to love it. She hadn’t needed anything more. This was everything she wanted.
And then Gabriel had come along, and now she found herself longing for something more. It was terrible. The life that had always been enough, that had always made her happy, suddenly felt lacking.
What would happen when their courtship inevitably came to an end? What would become of Agnes? Would she always wonder what would have happened if she had only said yes to that proposal?
That was never an option. He didn’t mean it. Even if I had wanted to—truly wanted to—how could I possibly say yes to someone who didn’t really mean it? I couldn’t. I couldn’t spend my life married to someone who didn’t want to be married to me.
That was the darkest fate she could imagine, and not one she was willing to consider.
No, there was only one choice. She had to end this.
But first, she would go to one last ball. There could be no further harm in that.
CHAPTER 27
The rain arrived, just as Agnes had predicted it would.
Gabriel frowned up at the heavy sky as his carriage drew close to her home. The clouds hadn’t broken yet, but he was sure they would, and he was not eager to see the ensuing weather. A part of him wanted to change the plan for this evening, to just stay at home in front of the fire. But then, of course, there would be no time spent with Agnes. There would be no dances, no moments when she was in his arms, no soft glow of pleasure at the knowledge that the others in the room were watching them.
When had he become so enamored with those moments? Why did he find it so difficult to let go of the idea of an evening spent with her? It shouldn’t have mattered this much. It was going to have to come to an end soon enough anyway.
It was something about that proposal. He cursed himself for handling it the way he had—he should have known better. Because now the problem wasn’t that she might have said yes—of course, she was never going to agree to a marriage. No, the problem was that he had to deal with the fact that a part of him had actuallywantedher to agree. He had wanted a yes.
That’s madness. Of course, I don’t want that.
He shook off the thought and hurried up to the front door. Agnes was standing there already, waiting outside for him, dressed and ready for the ball in a very becoming blue gown that brought out the color of her eyes and the soft lights in her hair. For a moment, he allowed himself to simply stop and admire her.
I don’t wish to marry. Certainly not. But if I were ever to marry, I think she would be someone I’d consider…
Then he looked at her more closely.
Her beauty was marred by unusual flaws. Her skin was more pale than it normally appeared, her cheeks bright red in a way that suggested illness. She had dark circles under her eyes. He frowned, scrutinizing her. “Agnes, are you unwell?”
“I’m fine,” she said, but her voice was low and rough.
“You don’t look like yourself,” he said.
“We have a ball to go to,” she said, starting around him toward his carriage. “Unless you find my appearance displeasing in some way, we should make our way there before it gets too late.”
“Will you stop?” He caught her arm. “Listen to me. Something’s the matter. You’re not well, and that makes me think we should stay at home.”
Her eyes were bright. “I had a feeling you would want to stay at home,” she said, her voice tight. “I had a feeling you were going to say that. And you proved me right.”
“What are you talking about?” He frowned. “I wasn’t going to say that until I saw you looking like you were about to collapse.”
“I’m notabout to collapse.Don’t be dramatic. Let’s just go.” She tried to free her arm from his grip.
