Page 57 of The Duke on Her List
Gabriel should have ended it.
Was it possible he didn’t know the things Dorothy was saying? Maybe he simply wasn’t aware?
That didn’t seem likely to Agnes. He had been so alert about all of this. She had never met someone as concerned with reputation as he was. And while she knew the reason he felt that way was a desire to protect Helena, and she respected him for it, it didn’t change the fact that he was highly aware of the way people perceived him. If Dorothy had noticed this change, surely Gabriel had noticed it.
And yet…he had done nothing.
He hadn’t ended the courtship.
Why not?
Maybe he doesn’t want to end it. Maybe he likes the courtship. Maybe he’s enjoying himself enough to keep it going even though he’s no longer benefitingfrom it.
She closed her eyes briefly. Thoughts like that were dangerous, and she shouldn’t be allowing herself to think them.
This was a temporary arrangement. It had always been a temporary arrangement. She was letting herself be blinded by that proposal, by how real it had seemed. How real it hadbeen.
But it wasn’t real. He had done that to give her the experience of a real proposal, not because he had genuinely wanted to marryher. She had been grateful at first. But now she was forced to acknowledge that the whole business had only left her more confused than ever.
Now she almost wished it hadn’t happened.
If he was going to be so unclear with her, then there was only one solution. In spite of her earlier decision, she was going to have to end their mock courtship, and she was going to have to do so as soon as possible. Being in this muddled affair with him was only allowing her to dwell in fantasies where he might one day decide that she meant more to him than he had realized. She was setting herself up for heartbreak.
Agnes was a spinster for a reason. She had never wanted to allow herself to be beholden to a man—in any way, for anything.
If her happiness had become dependent on Gabriel, it was time to end things for good.
Doing it, though, was harder.
The moment she arrived at home, she thought to send him a letter, to let him know that it was time to call things off. But he had beaten her to it. There was a letter waiting for her. Her heart clenched as she opened it—would he be the one to make the first cut? Was this how things ended, with a note informing her that he didn’t want to see her anymore?
I was going to write the very same thing in a note to him, though. I was frustrated with him for keeping things going with me after his goal had been accomplished…how can I possibly be upset now that he’s written to me to end things?
Still, her stomach clenched miserably as she opened the letter. It was all she could do to look at it at all, so certain was she of what she was going to find inside.
As she read the words, she didn’t comprehend them right away. She had to be misunderstanding them. And yet…
Agnes—
The Earl of Marbury is hosting a ball in two days’ time, and I think it would be best if you and I attended. This time, let us travel together so that we can make a proper appearance—your brother made a good point to me about that. I can pick you up at your home at sundown, if it suits you. Please respond and let me know if this is agreeable.
He had signed it simply with his name—Gabriel.
She stared at the words for a moment, trying to understand what she was seeing.
She had been so certain that this was going to be the end of their courtship, but it wasn’t that at all. This letter was about continuing things. Going to another ball.
She should have been frustrated, but all she could seem to feel was sheer relief that it wasn’t over yet.
Furious with herself for that reaction, she went into the sitting room and found a pen and a piece of paper, where she scrawled a quick response.It will be raining that evening.
She wasn’t sure what made her do it—it wasn’t as though she knew what the weather would be in two days. But something ominous hung over her head. Itfeltlike rain. It felt like the world would pour down on them for continuing this charade.
And she wondered what he would make of that statement.
If he’s looking for an excuse to get out of all this, that will give him a good reason to cancel. He can write back and say that he didn’t know the weather would be bad, and that maybe we should just stay home.
At the same time, the thought of rain made her wonder whether they still intended to proceed with her list. If they did, a rainy day would mean the perfect opportunity to complete item number four on the list…
