Page 40 of The Duke on Her List
“You know what I’m doing.”
“But you don’t have to…”
“Shh,” he said. “I’m going to do this right if I’m going to do it at all, Agnes. Is that all right with you?”
Agnes closed her eyes and hesitated, but then she nodded.
Gabriel reached out and took her hand in his, and she shivered ever so slightly. He almost wanted to rise to his feet, to reassure her that it really was all pretend. But he was in too deep now.
I’m doing this. We’re doing this.
He cleared his throat. “Lady Agnes,” he said, “I have enjoyed getting to know you immensely, and our courtship has meant more to me than I ever thought it would.” And that was all completely true, he realized. So much of this was real.
“It’s meant the world to me as well,” she whispered. He thought she meant it.
“I’m asking you to make me the happiest man in the world,” he said, gazing up at her. “Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
CHAPTER 19
Agnes sucked in a breath.
He’d said it as if he really meant it. That was the trouble. That was the thing she hadn’t been planning for. He was kneeling there and looking up at her as if he really meant what he was saying.
It hadn’t been meant to go like this.
When she had whispered her list item in his ear at the ball—I want to refuse a proposal of marriage, she had said—she had pictured something altogether different. She had thought he would look at her with a wry smile on his face and say the wordsWill you marry meas if they were a mutually understood joke. There would be laughter from both of them as she volleyed it back to him—Of course I won’t marry you, you goose. And then they would move on.
She hadn’t imagined it like this.
Right now, it was impossible to laugh. It was impossible to look at this man who was staring at her so sincerely, who had just made the point that the two of them were sharing a serious moment of their lives, and brush him off.
Could she even say no to him?
The thought hit her out of nowhere, like a bolt of lightning, and she physically recoiled. Of course, she would say no. Of course, that was the right thing to do—it was what they had both agreed would be done. This was why she had been careful to say that this particular list item required trust—because if she said yes to him now, she would be trapping him.
And yet, looking into his eyes now…she wanted to say yes. She wanted to make this real.
He wouldn’t necessarily be forced to marry her. But he would be in an extremely difficult situation, because everyone in London knew of their courtship. Because her brother knew about it, and because a maid knew they had been left alone together. They had been seen dancing together, showing a clear fondness for one another. If she left this room and announced that she’d accepted a proposal, chances were good that she would be believed. And that would put him in a predicament.
He hadn’t agreed to that.
Of course, she was going to say no. That had been the agreement.
But she looked down at him, on one knee, gazing up at her with wide, imploring eyes, and for a terrifying heartbeat, that word wouldn’t come.
You can’t. You can’t do it. It doesn’t matter if you want it. It doesn't matter that for the first time in your life, marriage actually sounds appealing. That was never what this was supposed to be, and you would be betraying him.
Don’t betray his trust.
Her head cleared, and once again, her mind was her own. She closed her eyes briefly to try to center her thoughts.
“No,” she said, hating the weakness in her own voice. “I can’t marry you, Your Grace.”
Now would come the laughter. Now he would get to his feet, chuckle, and make some joke about how this had been ridiculous. He would tell her he was glad to have helped her achieve her ambition, but that he hoped the next item on her list wasn’t quite so foolish.
That didn’t happen.
“You’re turning me down?” he asked her.
