Page 262 of Tempting Venom
Dors,mon cœur, oublie les voix,
Quand tu trembles, pense seulement à moi.
Si demain je ne suis plus là,
Dans tes rêves, je te prendrai dans mes bras.
Mom?
I blink, and her soft face blurs into focus. She looks like Dr. Duret with her gentle features and high cheekbones, her chestnut hair, and thin lips.
Her arms are wrapped around me tightly as she rocks back and forth, stroking my back. Her brittle voice carries on with the lullaby.
It’s that night she left me all over again.
Was she trembling this much? Was her voice shaking like this?
Could it be that I was so overwhelmed by the feeling of safety that I blocked just how much she was struggling to stay afloat?
The lullaby drifts and drifts. The words are different from the usual“Fais dodo, Colas mon p’tit frère,”which she often sang to me before bed.
Why didn’t I notice it back then?
The French words seep into my head like tendrils of smoke, their meaning slowly ripping through me.
Go to sleep,my little treasure.
Mama’s watching, even when it’s dark.
Close your eyes, hold tight to your sky,
If I leave, I’ll be there tucked in your wings.
Sleep,my heart, forget the voices,
When you tremble, just think of me.
If tomorrow I’m no longer here,
In your dreams, I’ll still hold you in my arms.
My throat closesas I register the last two lines. She was saying goodbye?
“Mom…” I croak, reaching out to her worn-out face. “Don’t leave me.”
“Mon chou(My darling), my love…” She strokes my hair, eyes shining in the dim light. “Mommy was such a bad mom. I’m so sorry.”
“No…no…I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too,trésor.You grew up into such a handsome young man.” She kisses my forehead, her lips shaking against my skin. “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. I’m proud you didn’t follow me. You survived better than me during all these years, Pressie. You’re way stronger than me. I hope you know that, my sweet boy.”
“No, I’m so weak, Mom.”
“No, you’re not. I am. It hurt so much, I chose to leave,but you chose to stay despite the pain. You’re an admirable survivor,mon petit(my little one).”
My throat closes, my nose tingling as tears well in my eyes. “But you can’t stay for me?”
“It’s not good for you if I stay, Pres.”
