Page 194 of Tempting Venom
“It’s not fear. I’m simplynotgay.”
“So what do you call tonight?”
“Sex. Happens all the time all over the world. Means nothing.”
My jaw grinds, and that monster lurking inside me rears his head as I force a dark smile. “You having sex with a guy for the first time doesnotmean nothing. You and your gibberish internalized homophobia fought this tooth and nail, but the side of you that’s been craving me won. You took my cock up your ass and came with just my tongue in your hole. That’snotnothing.”
“If I say it’s nothing, it’s fuckingnothing.” He crushes the candy between his teeth, the sound echoing around me like a gunshot. “You hear me?”
His eyes are harsh.
No, not harsh. Yes, there’s that hardness he defaults to at any sign of conflict, but it’s a mask, hiding something deeper and more fucked up. The same sense of terror from earlier comes back, but instead of crying, he’s revolting.
Letting aggression take over.
His eyes are shifty and his body’s too tight, as if he’s about to splinter into tiny pieces right before my eyes.
I stand up swiftly, then walk into the bathroom and close the door.
My hand covers my face as I force deep breaths.
In.
Out.
Breathe.
I need to calm the fuck down and keep myself from lashing out. I can push him to face everything he’s trying to avoid, can make him fucking cry if I choose to.
If I just let my passive-aggressiveness and people-reading skills loose, I’ll have him bawling at my feet in ten minutes.
But the sad reality is—I won’t do that to him.
I don’t want to fucking hurt him, and I certainly don’t want to push him so hard, he’ll bolt and never come back.
There’s noise from the bedroom, and he’s probably doing that—bolting. Even though I clearly told him not to treat me like a booty call.
And that violence I know so well is slowly rearing his head, demanding I punish Preston. Tie him the fuck up to my bed if I have to.
Instead, I walk into the shower and turn it on cold. If I follow him in my state, I’m just going to let myself loose, and my real self is a toxic, vengeful asshole.
One I don’t want to release on Preston right now.
I stay under the water for what seems like forever, until my extremities are cold and blue.
When I step out of the bathroom with a towel around my middle, sure enough, Preston is gone.
The room smells like him, and I can still taste him on my tongue, but he’s not here.
I run a hand through my hair, cursing low in my throat.
The asshole.
The goddamn fucking?—
I let out a long breath, trying to remain calm. Because why the fuck am I letting this get to me?
It was just a fuck, no?
