Page 47 of Two Blessings For His Duchess
He opened his mouth to offer another stubborn protest, but as he looked at her face, and the determination in her eyes, the words died in his throat. She was entirely right. He possessed absolutely no strength to argue with her, let alone physical force to make her leave.
“So,” Euphemia murmured. “I am just going to do what I want. Respectfully, of course.”
Nathaniel swallowed hard, his throat tight as he forced his gaze to remain fixed on her face. Yet, in the intimate, confines of his bedchamber, his senses were working against him.
For all his discipline, he could not entirely dull the sudden awareness of her proximity. He had seen her in various states of elegant dress, but never like this... so close, within the private sanctuary of his own rooms, clad in a soft, simple nightgown that offered a breathtaking vulnerability.
When her fingers brushed his cheek to secure the cloth, her skin felt impossibly soft against his skin. A faint scent of lavender and clean rain drifted from her hair, wrapping around him and cutting through the air of the room.
A dangerous, low heat that had absolutely nothing to do with his illness stirred deep within his chest, sending a jolt straight to his brain.
She really had to leave.
If she stayed a moment longer, he wasn’t certain he could maintain the proper distance expected of a gentleman.
“Euphemia,” he said, roughly. “I do not mean to be entirely stubborn. Truly. But you... you really must retreat to your own chambers now. I am capable of managing this myself.”
Instead of rising, Euphemia merely adjusted her position on the edge of the mattress, smoothing her skirts and settling in further. “I shall return to my room once you have fallen asleep, and once I am fully convinced that this fever has begun to break. Not a moment before. You see, Nathaniel, I can be remarkably stubborn too when the situation calls for it.”
Nathaniel let his head fall back against the pillows, a frustrated groan trapped in his throat. He couldn’t help himself. His eyes drifted over her again. Her hair was completely down, cascading over her shoulders in lush waves that practically begged to be touched. He was really looking at her now, unable to look away.
In truth, his stubbornness over the past two weeks had been nothing more than a desperate shield. Ever since the night of the ball, his mind had been in a state of absolute chaos.
Her innocent, yet deeply piercing questions about love, the lingering heat of their dance, and the intensity of their conversation in her bedchamber had done something inexplicable to his brain. He didn’t understand the fierce pull he felt toward her, and it terrified him.
He had convinced himself that throwing his entire being into his work and putting physical space between them would reset the boundaries. He needed everything back in its proper place. With the chaotic ruin of the northern tenant farms demanding his absolute focus, he simply could not afford the intoxicating distraction that Euphemia was rapidly becoming.
Space was supposed to cure this madness. Yet, here she was, shattering his carefully constructed walls with a bucket of cold water and a damp cloth.
“Why must you be so incredibly stubborn, Nathaniel?” she asked softly, her eyes searching his face as she dipped the cloth into the basin once more. “A normal man accepts help when he is ill. But you fight it as though it were an insult to your character.”
“I am not intentional about being stubborn,” he replied defensively. “There are simply things in my life that I want, and I prefer to achieve them exactly when and how I intend to. I do not care for delays. That is why I can be stubborn.”
Euphemia let out a soft, breathy laugh, the sound sending a strange ripple through his veins. “That is almost the exact definition of being stubborn, you know.” She set the cloth aside for a moment, leaning slightly closer as she tilted her head. “Buttell me, what of you? You are stubborn most of the time. What is it that you want, Euphemia?”
Euphemia went completely silent, her lips parting slightly as her breath hitched. Nathaniel stared up at her, his eyes locked onto hers, waiting through the thick, charged stillness for an answer she seemed suddenly terrified to give.
“What is it that you want, Euphemia?” he asked again, his eyes opening even more.
He asked because he could feel it... the sensation that there was something she was purposefully leaving unsaid. In that moment, wrapped in the warm, isolated little bubble they had carved out of the dark, an almost overwhelming notion took root in his chest.
Looking at her, he felt an urge to grant her absolutely anything her heart desired, to hand her the world if she only named it. It was a terrifyingly deep revelation. This was exactly why he had tried so hard to put distance between them over the past fortnight. He was already neck-deep in whatever this feeling was, entirely defenseless against her.
Euphemia swallowed, her gaze flickering down to his lips before rising back to meet his eyes. “You have already given it to me, Nathaniel,” she whispered.
His brow furrowed slightly, the fever making his thoughts move a fraction slower. “Given you what?”
“A family,” she answered, a smile touching her lips. She looked away for a brief second, her fingers gently smoothing the damp cloth on his brow as if seeking a distraction. “You might not know this, and to be quite frank, it is something I am deeply ashamed to admit to you. I have worried about how you would feel if you ever heard it. But... the true reason I came to London was to find love.”
Nathaniel remained perfectly still.
“Growing up, Lady Byron made us believe that romance was nothing but a foolish illusion,” Euphemia continued. “She raised us to think it was not a grand thing, that it was something we should never chase. But I did not want that for myself. I did not want to grow up hating the very idea of love or romance. I wanted the kind of love I read about in my hidden books. As pathetic as it might sound to a man like you, that is why I came to the city.”
She paused, looking down at him.
“It was the ultimate thing I wanted, because love is what brings about a true family,” she murmured. “Even though I did not get the romance I had initially hoped for when I set out, I got the family. I got Cordelia and Georgianna. They have been absolutely wonderful to me, Nathaniel. So, I am deeply grateful to you for that. Even if the rest of it is missing, you gave me familial love, and that is more than enough.”
The silence that followed her confession felt entirely stark, freezing the brief warmth that had built between them.Nathaniel stared up at her, the dull throb of his fever completely eclipsed by a sharp spike of guilt.
