Page 49 of Two Blessings For His Duchess
She decided then and there that she was no longer going to be frightened or hesitant. Unlike before, when she would hoard her questions and anxiously wait for a perfect, elusive moment to speak her mind, she charged herself with a new resolve. She would speak plainly and cleanly. She would ask for the truth and sever the knot of uncertainty, refusing to let this distance linger over her heart a moment longer.
The midday meal drew to a close in that same silence. Once the plates were cleared, Cordelia and Georgianna offered their proper curtsies and retreated upstairs with their governess to attend to their afternoon French and geography lessons.
As Nathaniel rose from the head of the table, Euphemia stood up as well, her eyes tracking his every move. He turned to leave the dining room, and she stepped into line behind him. She followed him down the long, carpeted corridor, her footsteps falling like a shadow against the floorboards. She stayed a few paces back, saying absolutely nothing, her mind spinning as she tried tocalculate the exact right moment to break the ice and bring up the conversation she had promised herself they would have.
Nathaniel walked with fast, until he reached the door of his private study. He stopped abruptly. Turning on his heel, he placed his hands on his waist and looked down at her, his eyes narrowing.
“Why are you following me, Euphemia?” he asked, a touch of exasperation trailing through his deep voice. “Do you not have something else to occupy your afternoon?”
Caught off guard, she offered a hesitant gesture with her hands, trying to smooth over her nerves. “Well, I... I was merely wondering about a few things, and I wanted to ensure that you —”
“I am fine,” he interrupted, cutting her off cleanly before she could finish the thought. “You really must stop with your constant worrying, Euphemia. You worry far too much. You possess too soft a chest for your own good, and it is entirely unnecessary. I am perfectly recovered.”
At his blunt words, the fierce determination she had built up over lunch seemed to falter. Her shoulders dropped slightly, a sigh escaping her lips as she mellowed under his gaze. She realized she couldn’t simply force the issue of the kiss while he stood there with his guard so firmly up.
Desperate to pivot, she scrambled for another topic. “Very well. I was actually just wondering if you had finally figured out thebook you wanted to recommend to me? Do you happen to have a recommendation for me now?”
Nathaniel blinked, his hands remaining on his waist as he stared at her, perplexed. “A book? Whatever are you speaking of?”
“During the ball,” she reminded him, tilting her chin up slightly as the memory came back to her. “You mentioned that you were going to recommend a book for me to read. I was simply wondering if you had found the time to... locate it yet.”
“No,” he replied flatly, his expression softening only a fraction. “I have not given the matter any thought whatsoever. As I have told you, I have been too busy with the estate accounts.”
“Oh. I see,” she murmured, a flush of embarrassment warming her neck. She looked down at the floor for a brief second before looking back up, the words leaving her mouth before she could stop them. “Well... would you perhaps want me to recommend another book for you instead?”
The moment the offer left her lips, she mentally scolded herself. It was an incredibly dumb thing to ask, especially given that he had just reminded her, in no uncertain terms, how completely buried he was under his own responsibilities.
Nathaniel did not smile. He simply shook his head, his tone firm. “I would rather not have another recommendation at present, Euphemia. There is far too much on my plate as it is.”
She nodded slowly, swallowing the tiny lump of rejection in her throat. “All right then. That is quite... all right.”
She turned on her heel, preparing to walk away. There was no hope of reaching him today. His features had completely hardened, shifting right back to that familiar, cold mask he wore so well.
But as she took her first step, she stopped herself. The resolve she had carried all through lunch flared back to life, refusing to be dismissed so easily. She couldn’t just walk away.
Turning back around, she squared her shoulders and looked him dead in the eye.
“What am I to make of last night, Nathaniel?” she asked, trying to keep her voice steady despite the rapid pounding of her heart. “What am I to make of what happened between us?”
Nathaniel crossed his arms over his chest, his brow furrowing as he looked down at her. “What happened last night?”
Euphemia’s breath caught. She scrambled to find the words, trying to explain it to him without outrightly saying the truth aloud in the middle of the corridor. “Well... between us. In your bedchamber. When I came to check on your fever.”
“My memory of the evening is quite brief,” he admitted, shaking his head. “I remember very little after the fever took hold. I know that you were in my room with a basin and a cloth. I amassuming you used them to tend to my temperature, and then I fell asleep while you left. Was there anything else?”
Euphemia felt her jaw practically drop.
Was there anything else?
The question echoed in her ears, leaving her utterly stunned. “Is there anything else?” she repeated, her voice rising a fraction.
“Yes,” he said, looking at her as if waiting for a logical explanation.
A profound confusion swirled through her mind. She knew for a certainty that she had not imagined it. She had not imagined the sudden grip of his fingers on her arm, or the deliberate way he had pulled her down to him on the mattress. She had absolutely not imagined the slide of his fingers into her hair, or the deep, intoxicating warmth of his lips meeting hers in the dark. It had happened.
Or had she truly imagined it?
The terrifying doubt crept into her chest, making her stomach twist. Desperate to find a scratch of recognition on his face, she began probing him further. “Before you fell asleep, Nathaniel... do you truly not remember what we did just before you closed your eyes?”
