Page 34 of A Cursed Heart
A Demon... Friend?
Ryan
ListeningtoMalbreathingnext to me was more soothing than I would have guessed. I missed it; the casual intimacy, which had nothing to do with sex when having a partner. Sleeping next to someone, brushing by them with a touch to the hip, or holding hands while doing something mundane, like watching TV. Okay, I missed sex, too, but hadn’t realized how much I needed intimacy as well.
Mal was always touching me, and far from hating it, I liked it. I soaked up each tiny touch like a flower did with the sun.
I shouldn’t have felt comfortable with Mal for so many reasons, the main being he was a demon. Although I’d seen it with my own eyes, I didn’t truly believe he was something bad. Other, sure, just not evil. Maybe because in my head a demon was just a name for a magical person. Okay, he had a wicked cool tail and horns to go with the demonic image. Still, he wasn’t bad. How could anyone be when they spent the afternoon singing Golden with a five-year-old?
Yeah, Mal had watched the film twice while Freya was at school, just so he knew the words to the songs when she got home. He had a fantastic singing voice, too. Freya loved him, and I… well, there was something there between us. I didn’t want to name it or put too much thought into it. Whatever happened, happened, basically.
The other reason I shouldn’t have felt so safe around him was that he was a guy. As a self-proclaimed straight man, I was questioning my beliefs. Was it only because he was magical, so foreign from any guy I’d ever known, or was it his innate sweetness that had charmed me?
Ugh, I mentally chastised myself. Here I was dwelling on what Mal was coming to mean to me when I said I would go with the flow.
I stayed awake for a long time, watching Mal sleep next to me. Or so I thought.
“Go to sleep, Ryan. You’re going to be too exhausted to work tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. Can’t turn my brain off.” I flipped onto my side, getting closer to him.
“Want a hand with that?” he murmured suggestively.
My brain went offline for a second. Finally I spluttered out, “No…” My denial sounded weak. I changed the subject instead of confronting it. “Tell me about your past. In the demon realm.”
He turned to face me in the semi-darkness of the room. The lights from other buildings, streetlights and the stars shone through the blinds on the window, giving me the chance to study his face. His features were sharp; a pointed chin, chiseled jaw, blade-like nose, angular dark eyes. Attractive and slightly dangerous.
“I worry you won’t trust me anymore once you know what I did.” His expression was pained.
Part of me wanted to soothe him with my touch. I just wasn’t ready for what that meant. “Mal, you know what I did to Jasmine. It might have been an accident, but I knew there was a chance she might use those drugs.” Of course, I’d known there was a decent chance she was lying about being in recovery. “I feel awful about it for Freya, because it took away her mom, not for what I did.” Which was the crux of the matter. I did not care that I’d killed a person I’d once loved. It made me a truly awful person.
“What you did was an accident—”
“I knew it would kill her boyfriend.”
Mal gave a half-shrug. “You took a terrible man out of the world before he could do more harm.”
“Maybe, but it’s still murder.” I’d confronted what I’d done. If given the choice of going back in time, I’d probably do the same thing.
“You didn’t make him use those drugs. He could have put them in the trash instead of in his body,” Mal pointed out.
“True. And I’m sure you had reasons for what you did in your past.”
“Nothing but youth and greed.”
“Tell me,” I urged. “I don’t want secrets between us. It’s part of what ended mine and Jasmine’s relationship.”
“If you are sure…” I nodded. “I hope you do not see me differently when you hear it all.” Mal let out a sigh. “Growing up,I was the youngest. You would think that I was coddled for it. I was not. Often I was ignored, dismissed. Everything I was given were scraps. Even my land when I came of age was a territory no one else wanted. Naturally, I grew resentful. I will spare you all of my misdeeds. I would steal, lie, harm other demons in my quest for more power and influence. It took some time, but I grew a reputation for my magic. With it came followers. I got it into my head that I should be king. My brother, Dagda, was the king after defeating our father for the throne.”
Mal frowned. “It was a dark time with few people to trust. Too many were in my ears, telling me I would be a better king. They told me that Dagda was failing our kingdom. There were battles where I killed many. I was cast out, forced to remain in my corner of the kingdom where Dadga’s people could keep an eye on me. Eventually, I learned about the heart ruby. You know what happened then.”
He was silent for a long time. “Does that change how you see me?”
“No. If anything, it makes you more human.”
“That’s the last thing that I am,” he grumbled with a sardonic smile.
I laughed. “Yeah, fair. Okay, it makes you more real. Like you’re a person underneath the horns and tail.” Said tail reached for me, wrapping around my wrist with a strangely gentle touch before it moved to rest on my hip. “With all the petty jealousy and hurt feelings that come with it.” This time, I did reach out to him. I twirled a strand of his long scarlet hair around my finger. “I think that it makes us similar. We’ve both done shitty things thinking we had good reasons for them.”
