Page 146 of Wolfkissed
She leaves, closing the door behind her, and leaves me alone in the enormous room. The curtains have been drawn over the window and I yank them open to stare out into the night. The land is dark around the manor, stars twinkling in the sky. One streaks down, leaving a white trail.
Inexplicably, nostalgia swamps me. I wish I were out there with Valen, I wish I still had my hope of a bright tomorrow. I never realized how that hope protected me through the years, how it kept me going when the nightmares had me up all night, and my stepfamily mocked me and neglected me.
I sit on my bed and put my face in my hands. Everything feels like it’s too much. Worry sits like a stone on my chest. Fear is back. I barely shed it by arriving here, and it’s now clawing at the inside of my head.
Lord Eorl is a good man. I only need to get used to him, get to know him, learn his habits. Everything will be all right.
I can’t give up on that hope. Not so soon. You may know a man from the first moment you see him, but you also may discover a man over days, weeks and months. Not every encounter works the same way.
I’ll find the goodness in Lord Eorl. And I’ll make him fall in love with me. I’ll have that happy fairytale ending. After coming this far, I won’t let first impressions stop me.
Morning finds me struggling back into my dress, which thankfully I had the presence of mind to remove last night and avoid wrinkling it. I didn’t find a nightgown, but I did tell the poor maid I needed nothing more. I have to learn to voice my needs. To recognize them.
Valen helped me with that, I think as I pull on the laces, which are thankfully at the front. He helped me listen to myself.
The thought of seeing him has me impatient to finish dressing and go downstairs. I look at myself in the mirror, cheeks flushed, eyes bright, hair pulled back in a hasty bun, the neckline of my dress low, showing more skin than I’m used to.
I’m young, about to be married, finally safe, and with my whole life before me.
I grin at myself, wink as Valen would.Let’s do this.
Light spills through the windows as I hurry out the door and down the stairs. It’s a fine day, and everything will be perfect. This is the first day of my new life, I think, where I take control of it, at long last, where I break out of this miserable shell where I spent most of my years and become the woman I want to be.
A happy, wanted, desirable, and cherished woman.
People hurry to-and-fro, carrying trays and platters from the kitchens to the great hall. It’s time to break my fast, and the aromas of fried dough, eggs and smoked meat make my mouth water. I burst into the hall and find the long tables occupied, people eating, drinking and talking.
They didn’t wait for me. But I’m used to that from home. Smiling, I hurry past them, heading for the end of the table where…
Someone else is seated beside Lord Eorl.
Another woman.
I stop, staring in disbelief. She’s talking and laughing with my future husband, her blond head bent toward him in a way that feels intimate and familiar.
The conversations around me hush for a moment, then pick up again as I walk toward the end of the table.
“My lord,” I say, my voice shaking a little. “Good morning.”
“Oh. Lady Rosamund.” He nods at me, a bland smile on his face. “I trust you’ve slept well?”
“Yes. I…” I chew on the inside of my cheek. “Is that your sister?”
“I don’t have a sister,” he says, taking a bite of eggs and swallowing. He gestures at an empty chair further down the table. “Be seated, Lady Rosamund. The food is getting cold.”
My hands curl in the folds of my dress. “My place is by your side, my lord.”
“You are up late,” he says, his gaze pinning me, flat and reproving. “If you want your place beside me, you’d better not laze in bed in the mornings.”
Mortified, I curtsy to hide my burning face. “My lord, surely I’m not that late.”
He gives me a long, level look. “Everyone is here. You’ve just arrived. What does that tell you?”
He’s talking to me as if I’m an infant. Nobody came to wake me up. I was never told I had to come down early. This was my first full night’s sleep in weeks. But something tells me that explaining all that won’t make a difference. Fighting in front of everyone feels ignoble and improper.
So I head to the indicated seat. I feel… insulted. Demeaned in front of everyone. Last night, he announced our impending wedding, and this morning, he reprimanded me at the same place.
And guilty. I feel guilty, as if his choosing another woman to sit beside him is really my fault.
