Page 77 of Little Bitter Truths
“I know.I’m just not used to accepting help from anyone.”
“I understand.It can be harder than people think.”
Giovanni had always had a way of seeing the emotional architecture of a person, the beams and weak spots, and knowing just what to say and when to say it.I attempted the same but never had his level of finesse.
“I’m used to handling things myself, whether it’s a work decision or a life decision,” Mia said.“It feels weird to admit I need help.”
“I know the feeling,” I said.
“You do?”
“In my experience, refusing help when I need it most only makes things harder.”
“Wren used to tell me I wore independence like armor.According to her, I was so focused on showing people I didn’t need them that I made it impossible for them to care about me in the way they wanted.”
“Awareness is a good place to start.Once we recognize something about ourselves, we have the power to change it.”
Coco walked over, settling in next to Mia.“I think she knows I haven’t been myself these past weeks.I can’t imagine what she went through, being in the house when Wren was killed.”
I couldn’t either.
Mia leaned down, running a hand over the dog’s back.“Switching subjects, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I want to talk about Jeremy.I keep replaying yesterday in my mind.”
“It was a lot to take in.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and she blinked them back.“If I thought all of it had been fake, I could hate him.I mean, I hate what he did.”
“As you should.”
“I don’t want to miss him, or think about him, or wonder where he is and how he’s doing, but I can’t help it.”
Giovanni loaded the last dish into the dishwasher before crossing the room and offering to take the dogs for a walk.As he grabbed their leashes and headed for the door, he caught my eye and gave me a subtle nod, making it clear he knew we needed some privacy.
“I must sound pathetic,” Mia said.“I’m still pining for a man who may be responsible for my sister’s murder.”
“You can’t expect yourself to shut those feelings off so soon after what happened.”
“How can I care so much for a person I don’t even know?”
I went to the sink, filled two glasses with water, and returned to the table, handing one to Mia.“When I confronted Jeremy, I saw what I believed was genuine fear in his eyes.Part of it came from being caught and knowing the truth was out.But there was something else there too.He seemed afraid of losing you.That doesn’t make him innocent, and it doesn’t mean you should forgive him.I'm just telling you what I observed.”
“Forgiveness.I’m not sure I’m capable of it.When everything came out yesterday, I remember standing there and thinking how much he reminded me of Christian.”
“In what way?”
“It was how hard he was trying to get me to understand him, like he believed if he could explain things to me in the right way, I’d understand, and everything would be okay.It bothers me a lot.Christian had a way of turning every one of our issues into something negotiable.I didn’t see it at first because he was charming.”
“And then?”
“I saw past his charm, and I noticed a pattern, one I didn’t like.The way Jeremy was with me felt gentler and a lot more cautious, but for all I know, it could have all been an act.”
“That’s the trouble with lies,” I said.“They affect everything around them.Until we’re certain Jeremy had nothing to do with Wren’s murder, I don’t think you should be in contact with him.”
“Oh, don’t worry.I won’t.”
I wanted to believe her.Even if she was angry, given how strong her feelings were for him, I knew how much discipline and restraint she’d need in order to keep her distance.
Mia pushed her chair back and stood.“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay one more night.”
