Page 68 of Little Bitter Truths
“I dated Christian,” she went on.“You know how that ended.Then I meet his brother, and somehow I managed to fall for him too.”
She downed the shot and winced.
“You didn’t know Jeremy was Christian’s brother.”
“Maybe it’s me,” she said.“Maybe I’m the problem, because if I’m not, why is this happening?Why would someone want me dead?What have I done to deserve that?”
I wasn’t sure what to say.
There was a chance her taste in men had contributed to some of her problems, but even if it was the case, it wasn’t my place to say or to pass judgment.
“It’s obvious I don’t even know the people in my life, because right now, I can’t even see what’s right in front of me,” she said.
“Sometimes we see what we want to see and miss what we need to see.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve convinced myself I was making the right choice because I wanted it to be true.”
She narrowed her eyes.“Oh, I don’t know.You seem to have it all figured out now.”
“Getting to this point wasn’t easy.It took me a long time to figure out who I am and what I want from life.”
“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“I’m saying it because it’s true.”
“Oh, yeah?I bet it’s not as bad as you think.”
Given how much she’d had to drink, it wasn’t the time to share my biggest regret, not that I would have anyway.Instead, I searched for something we might have in common.
“I met my husband, Giovanni, in college,” I said.“It wasn’t long before I realized he was the love of my life.The problem was, I wasn’t sure he returned my feelings, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.Then one day he told me he was engaged to someone else, and I had no one to blame but myself.”
“What happened?”
“He married the other woman, and we lost contact for over two decades.Then something tragic happened in my life, something I won’t go into now.That tragedy forced me to take a hard look at my life, at the choices I’d made, the good ones, the bad ones, and the truths I’d spent years avoiding.”
“How did the two of you reconnect?”
“I found a book he’d given me when we were young,” I said.“His phone number was still tucked inside, a landline, if you can believe that.I figured I had nothing to lose, so I called, convinced no one would answer.But someone did, and they put me in touch with Giovanni.When we spoke, I learned he was single, and he invited me to come see him.That was six years ago.We’ve been together ever since.”
For a moment, I allowed myself to feel like I’d gotten through to her in some small way, until she frowned and clapped her hands, saying, “Bravo.Good for you.You got what you deserved.Maybe I’m getting what I deserve too.”
“No,” I said.“You’re not.”
She pushed off the counter, a reckless look settling across her face.
It worried me.
“You know what I was thinking about doing before you got here,” she said.“I was thinking about going outside, walking right out onto the front lawn and standing there.”
“Mia—”
“I’m being serious.I’d stand there and shout, ‘I’m right here.You want me?Come and get me.’”
I reached out, placing my hand on her shoulder.“I know how hard things are right now, but you will get through it.”
“If I was dead, at least I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of losing my sister, or thinking that what happened to her is my fault.At least then it would be over.”
