Page 74 of The Only Seconds that Matter
“I dunno.An ex?”
Victor raised his eyebrows.“What makes you think that?”
“I knew it.Iknewit.”Johnny snapped his fingers, then pointed them at Victor.“I remember when you were at that bar all depressed cuz your ex was gettin’ married.Is that him?I thought you were talkin’ about a woman at the time, but you’ve told me yourself you ain’t into women.”
Victor wondered if Johnny was going to sit with them at the rodeo just to dig for dirt on Victor.Maybe Diego would tell him the truth and save Victor that conversation.Part of him was terrified of that happening, the other part of him wanted to just get it over with.Of course, Diego knew pretty much nothing about being trans and how to explain it to others, since he barely understood it himself.Letting him tell Johnny would be a disaster.
The jug filled up completely, so Victor put another under the spigot.
“You think he’s in denial about bein’ gay?”Johnny asked after a short silence.“He’s married to a woman, ain’t he?”
“First of all,you’rebisexual, I don’t know why you’re pretending it’s not a thing that exists.Also, Diego is straight.”
“Most men ain’t.Bisexual, I mean.Also, if he’s straight, why’d he date you?”
“It’s complicated,” Victor muttered.
“Seems like a theme with you.”
“Don’t you have a lunch with your rodeo buddies to go to?”
“I wanna know more about this Diego guy.And this date you’re goin’ on.Who is it?”
“Johnny.”Victor straightened and grabbed a fistful of Johnny’s coat.“I know you love to talk, but right now I need you to let me work and mind your own business.”
Johnny scoffed, barely offended.He was often chastised by people for talking too much, so it had no effect on him anymore.“If you wanted me to mind my own business, you wouldn’t have sucked me off in—”
“Goddamnit it, Johnny, keep your damn voice down.”
“Ain’t nobody listenin’ in this place.”Johnny looked around at the throngs of people moving through the stables, filling the space with a low thrum of conversation.He was probably right, but Victor didn’t want to hear it.
Somehow Victor was able to convince Johnny to run off to lunch, though he’d already filled all three gas cans with water by the time Johnny was willing to leave.Thankfully Taylor showed up minutes later so Victor didn’t have to worry about her, and Victor offered to track down some food for lunch if she was willing to help him pick stalls out in the afternoon.He was happy to listen to her ramble about all the horses she’d seen because it meant not having to talk or think about the men in his life.He’d officially had all he could take.
CHAPTER 21
Victor barely had time to change his shirt and spritz on cologne before he was due to meet his date outside the gates into the midway, which was ablaze with carnival lights even as the weather dipped into the low fifties.They wouldn’t have much time to look around before the rodeo started, but Victor had already decided to treat Sebastian to some carnival food.He wasn’t sure how often NYC boys got to experience country fairs.Hopefully he wasn’t a vegetarian, because everything here was most likely fried in some kind of animal fat.
Victor was looking at his phone when he felt someone tap his shoulder.He turned and was instantly met with Sebastian’s smiling face, which very much looked like the one in his photos—tight black curls, olive complexion, cherubic features and each ear and one nostril bearing at least one ring.To his surprise, Sebastian launched himself on Victor with a strong embrace, and Victor staggered a step with a laugh before hugging Sebastian back.
“I’m sorry!”Sebastian said, stepping back with a grin.“I guess I’m just so happy to meet you!Wow.”He paused, blinking.“You’resocute, oh my God.”
Victor’s reaction must have been shocked, because Sebastian threw a hand up.“Sorry, I shouldn’t just say that.That’s weird.Ugh, sorry I’m so awkward.”
“No, it’s fine.You’re fine.You’re cute, too.”The words felt weird in Victor’s mouth; he wasn’t raised to be so honest and upfront.Still, Victor wanted to hug him again, just because it felt so good to be around someone like him.It didn’t hurt that Sebastian was good looking and seemed far sweeter than most of the guys Victor met up with from Grindr.
“I know it’s not PC or whatever to compliment each other on how well we pass, but, like… you’re very muchgoals,” Sebastian admitted.“Again, sorry if I shouldn’t say that—”
“It’s fine.It’s been a long time since I’ve been clocked.”
“God, that sounds nice.I just calledma’amyesterday when I wasn’t wearing my binder.”Sebastian curled his arms around himself and rolled his eyes.“Not my fault I’ve got huge boobs.I’ve been trying to raise money for ages to get them chopped off but, you know…” Sebastian shrugged.“It’s a lot of money.”He paused, then winced.“Geezus, I told myself if I met up with another trans guy we wouldn’t spend our time talking about being trans and look at me!Sorry.”
“One trick to passing as a man,” Victor said, holding up a finger, “is not apologizing for anything.Let’s get something to eat, cuz I’m starving, and I’m paying.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I am.What kind of fried food do you like?”
“The south is going to give me heart disease.There’s no vegetable they won’t fry.But a burger or whatever sounds fine.”
