Page 60 of The Only Seconds that Matter
“You can’t know that.”
“That trailer is the one we grew up in.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.My mama had it until she died three years ago.It used to be on some acreage cuz my daddy was a horse trader, but my mama was disabled later in life and couldn’t take care of a farm, so I bought that lil piece of land it’s currently on and put her there with the trailer.When I got injured, I moved in.My sister’s gonna be so mad to see the shape it’s in.Which don’t make any sense, cuz it was a dump before I moved into it.My mama had a hard time gettin’ around in her last few years, so she couldn’t keep up with it, and my sister didn’t help out as much as she should have.”He shoved a forkful of pasta into his mouth.“I woulda helped if I was around, but I was travelin’.It was my sister’s job to look after her.”
“How do you think Sarah will feel?”
“She’ll probably be fine.She knows me better than most.”Johnny sighed heavily and rested his head on a fist.“It’s gonna suck ass no matter what.”
“Does Sarah know about your drinking problem?”
“She knows I drink a lot, but so does she.So does everyone in this fuckin’ town.”
After dinner, Johnny offered to do the dishes, which was appreciated.He liked to listen to country music as he worked, humming along and occasionally swaying his shoulders or hips with the rhythm.Victor laid on one of the couches to stealthily watch him.How long had it been since he’d had a man in his kitchen doing the dishes?It felt so domestic, and if Victor cared less about his principles, he’d feel tempted to slip up and hug him from behind.He’d seen Johnny cut a rug when they’d gone line dancing, so he entertained a fantasy of taking one hand in his and resting the other on his hip for a bit of slow dancing.The only other man he’d danced with had been Diego, but Diego only stood two inches taller than Victor (often a problem in the very rare moments when Victor wore heels), whereas Johnny had a good seven or eight inch advantage.Typically that sort of thing might make Victor a little dysphoric, but with Johnny it’d feel different, he was sure.Things felt different with Johnny than anyone else, and that’d be true no matter what skeletons Johnny kept in his closet or how much Johnny pushed him away.
* * *
Johnny was tense and snappy the next day, enough that Victor didn’t say anything to him unless he had to.When they drove up the driveway to the trailer, Johnny looked wound tight enough to sling a stone halfway to Texas.He had a tendency to hide his face beneath his cowboy hat, and when they parked and Victor turned to him to ask a question, Johnny threw himself from the truck with the speed of jackrabbit.Victor predicted Johnny would get in a fight with someone by sundown, and he just hoped it wouldn’t be him.
Second to arrive was Sarah, dressed in her usual jeans and T-shirt with her hair pulled into a messy bun.Johnny greeted her half-heartedly, and Sarah gave Victor a questioning look.
“You’ve never invited me to your place before,” Sarah said.“There a reason you asked me to bring work gloves?”
“I’m puttin’ you to work,” Johnny muttered.
“Doing what?Better not be some dumb shit like the time you had me dragging tires out of the creek behind your house.You remember us doing that?There was a fucking raccoon sleeping under those things.”
One would think the memory would warrant a smile, but Johnny’s expression was drawn and pale.Victor decided to take over before he passed out.
“Lemme show you inside the house,” Victor volunteered.“Johnny, wait out here.”
Johnny didn’t argue, so Sarah followed Victor up the rickety, rotted steps to the front door.
“You sure this thing is safe?”Sarah asked.
“Probably not.”Victor swung the door open and gestured her inside.“Take a look.”
With raised eyebrows, Sarah stepped past Victor into the trailer.She didn’t have to go very far to see what the problem was.She instantly started cussing before turning to face him.
“What the fuck?You wanna tell me what this is all about?”
“This is what we wanted your help with—cleaning the place out.”
“He been living with a family of possums or what?”
Victor sighed.“Did you know he has a drinking problem?”
Sarah’s expression darkened.“I’ve told him he drinks way too much, but I didn’t think it was like…” She gestured to the mess behind her, “…this.God fucking damn.What a…ugh.”She shook her head, scowling.“Why the fuck didn’t he tell me it was this bad?”
“I think he was ashamed.”
Sarah turned to look at Johnny, who was now leaning against the truck facing the opposite way.“Fucking Jesus Christ.That goddamn bastard.I wanna kill him and hug him at the same time.”
Their conversation was interrupted by Kayla’s SUV rolling up the driveway.She parked and climbed out, shouting something at Johnny.Johnny shrugged and gestured vaguely toward the porch.
“She probably won’t take this well,” Sarah mumbled.She looked at Victor.“She’s got her daddy’s temper sometimes.”
