Page 98 of The Only Seconds that Matter
Victor sniffed and laughed, nodding his head with a wobbly smile.“Thank you.”
Johnny’s hand remained on his head a few seconds longer than necessary before he ruffled Victor’s hair and pulled away, slumping back onto the bed and stretching his legs forward.“Don’t get all weepy on me now.”
“I’m not weepy,” Victor muttered, pushing the knuckles of his thumb into his tear duct to prevent any leakage.“I just—I’m just happy you’re cool with it.”
“I told you I sucked guys’ dicks for money.I can’t lecture nobody about nothin’.”
“My thing and your thing are very different.”
Johnny shrugged.“So this Diego guy… why’d you break up?”
Victor grabbed a tissue from the box on the nightstand and blew his nose.“When I started taking hormones, he didn’t like it.”
“Ah.Makes sense.”
“It does, but it still hurt like hell.I’d known him since we were kids.We started dating in high school.I had a lot of dreams that I had to let go of.”
“Did you keep in touch?”
“Not really.”
“So when he saw you at the Stock Show, he musta been shocked, right?”
“He was.”
“Damn.I can’t imagine if I broke it off with Daisy and ten years later she showed up a dude.”Johnny thought about a second, then chuckled.“She’d probably still have my dumb ass whipped like butter cream.”
Warmth billowed out across Victor’s chest.If Johnny could joke like this, it meant he was comfortable enough to try.Maybe he wasn’t always as sensitive as he needed to be, but after Victor had spent years terrified of anyone finding him out, he didn’t really care if Johnny’s acceptance was a bit off the mark.Acceptance was worth more to him than Johnny knew, and that Johnny didn’t understand its importance somehow made it all the more charming.
“I guess it makes a bit more sense now,” Johnny continued.“I mean, there’s some stuff about you I always thought was—don’t get mad at me, but… you’ve always been sensitive.And a good cook, and your house smells nice.Don’t meet many men ‘round these parts that can manage all that.Of course, I thought it was cuz you’re gay, and maybe some of it is that—”
“Johnny.”
“What?”
“Maybe consider shutting up.”
Johnny laughed.“I’ll consider it but I’ll admit I ain’t that good at it.”
Victor twisted around to rest a hand on either side of his neck.When Johnny tilted his head to look up at him, Victor leaned over to kiss him.When Johnny seemed receptive, Victor lifted one leg and settled his knee on the edge of the bed, half straddling Johnny’s thighs.Johnny seemed hesitant at first, leaning back slightly as if prepared to pull away.But slowly he warmed up, his mouth relaxing against Victor’s and his hands rising to grip Victor’s waist.After a minute or so of kissing, Johnny sank back, his eyes drifting down Victor’s torso before settling on his chest.Victor didn’t even realize what he was looking at until he lifted a hand to touch one of Victor’s top surgery scars, which by this point were very light but still visible along the boundary of each pec.
“Where’d you get these?”Johnny asked.
“Mastectomy scars.”
“Ooh, right.”Johnny stared at them a second longer then tilted his head back to meet Victor’s gaze.“You and me both got scars then.”
Victor touched Johnny’s jawline where one of said scars resided.“I think mine win me fewer brownie points with women.”
Johnny snickered.“Yeah, the ladies will forgive a fucked-up face if you tell ‘em you got your scars in a dangerous way.”
Victor rubbed his thumb along the scar for a moment before asking, “After you started making enough money doing rodeo, did you still hook up with men?”
Johnny’s expression sobered.“Occasionally, when I got the itch, but it stayed real quick and casual, nothin’ serious.”
“Were you ever tempted to make it something more?”
“With men?Nah.They were a means to an end, and they saw me the same way.I couldn’t imaginewantin’to be with a man past a quick lay.I didn’t think they’d bring much to the table, relationship-wise.”
