Page 71 of The Only Seconds that Matter
“Yeah, but… it’s really not.”Diego gave Victor a once-over.“Jesus christo, you’re…ah.”Diego cut himself off, looking away and shoving his hands in his pockets.How typical of him to avoid conflict by not saying what he meant.
“I’m what?”
“Dios mio, no te enojes.I’m just…shocked, that’s all.You look so different.I barely recognize you.”
“Really?What’s changed?”Victor asked sarcastically.He probably shouldn’t give Diego such a hard time, but he was still hurting after Diego rejected him.Even after Victor cancelled the wedding, they’d tried to make it work.Diego had insisted upon that, at least until the reality of Victor’s transition really hit him.Victor was not going to change his mind, and he wasn’t going through a phase.Victor really did want a beard, a low voice, and top surgery—several things Diego could not handle when all he’d wanted was a pretty wife.
To his credit, Diego seemed pained by Victor’s attempt at conflict.His gaze briefly bounced toward Victor’s chest, then back up.Victor hoped he got his confirmation that Victor had really gone through the procedure that Diego had said was a dealbreaker.Fortunately they’d broken up long before Victor could afford the surgery.
“Part of me wondered if you’d change your mind,” Diego muttered.
“Clearly I didn’t.”
“I don’t get this.I never did.”
“You don’t have to.”
“But you were so pretty.I don’t—”
“We are not rehashing this.”
“Okay, okay.”Diego threw up his hands and took a step back.“I know how you are.Once your mind is made up… I guess I just…” He sighed, shaking his head.“I still think about you sometimes.I was wondering how you were doing, if you were still involved with horses.Last I heard, you were in LA.”
“I train horses in Oklahoma now.I inherited my aunt’s farm after she died.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear about that.Your aunt, I mean.You were close to her, right?”
“As close as I could be when we lived so far apart.”
Diego nodded absently, reaching out a hand to rest briefly on Blitz’s forehead.
“You still riding?”Victor asked, as if this were just some normal conversation with a man who hadn’t ground Victor’s heart into meat paste.
“Por supuesto que sí.Couldn’t stay away if I tried.”
“That’s good.”
They stood in awkward silence for a few seconds, both staring at Blitz as if he were the most interesting thing in the world.Victor caught a glimpse at Diego’s profile, hating the pain that shot across his chest.It shouldn’t have hurt so much this long after they’d broken up.Didn’t they call them wounds for a reason?Wounds were supposed to heal.Instead Diego felt like a broken bone that was never set right.What burned Victor the most was that while Diego stopped being attracted to Victor, Victor never stopped being attracted to him.Victor often wondered how he’d feel if Diego had been the one to come out instead.Would Victor have stuck around even though he typically had no interest in women?Probably.For Diego, Victor would have done everything in his power.
“So, are you married now?”Victor had to ask.
“Oh, um, yeah.”
“Camila, right?”
“You heard about that?”
“Saw it on Facebook.”
“Yeah, she’s here with me.She ran off to get some food.”
Victor nodded, feeling very tired.He’d probably hate her, even if she didn’t say a single word.Did Diego ever tell her about him?Did she know who had Diego first?She probably didn’t care.Victor was no longer a threat to anything she had.
Suddenly a hand clamped down on Victor’s shoulder from behind, and Victor jolted, spinning around a bit too quickly and almost losing his balance.He found himself face to face with a Carhartt jacket, so he craned his head back to look at Johnny, who had appeared seemingly out of thin air.
“Heya there,” Johnny said brightly, hand feeling heavier than usual on Victor’s shoulder.“What’s goin’ on?”
“Huh?”Victor’s brain stuttered for a second, then roared back to life like the engine of an old motorcycle.“Oh.This is—this is um, Diego.We grew up with each other in California.”
