Page 67 of The Only Seconds that Matter
Victor set the wreath of flowers he’d bought across his father’s tombstone and then folded his legs to sit in the dirt beside it.For a few minutes he bowed his head in silence, listening to the wind and the occasionalwhooshof a car driving past.The desert was an eerily quiet place most of the time.Part of him wished he’d been buried someplace with music and laughter, because his father would have liked that.Victor had often wondered why he was so boring in comparison, but somehow they’d gotten along.Losing him had altered Victor in ways he still couldn’t comprehend.It’s why Victor had chosen his grandfather’s name, a man his father had deeply loved and also lost too soon.
“Lamento no visitar tanto como solía hacerlo, Papa,” Victor muttered.I’m sorry I don’t visit as much as I used to.“I’m still trying to figure my life out.”Blinking back tears, he passed a rock from one hand to the other.“I think if you were still here, I probably wouldn’t have even gone to Oklahoma.But I needed something different, because I felt stuck.But I still am, even after all this time.”He let out a shuddering breath, swallowing several times to keep himself from sobbing.“I wish I could talk to you.I wish…” He wiped at his face, feeling too overwhelmed to speak for a moment.“I really need mypapiright now.”
He had hoped he wouldn’t lose his shit this morning, but his emotions had other plans.Seconds later he was a sobbing mess, trying to hold it together and failing miserably.Thankfully no one was out here, so it was all between him and the desert.
CHAPTER 19
The day after Victor got back from California was Jade’s birthday, so Victor decided to take her out to the local steak joint for some celebration.She wanted to know about his California trip.In return, Jade complained about a recent bad date, and for a while they commiserated over the sorry state of dating in a place with so few options.He and Jade also talked about their plans for the upcoming trip to Fort Worth, feeding schedules, Jade’s mother’s health, and the possibility of picking up a few mustangs to train for sale in the spring.Victor wouldn’t consider any of his employeesfriends, but Jade came as close as one could.
When the bill came, Victor paid for everything.Jade thanked him, hugged him, and left.Victor was about to follow her out but decided he should stop at the bathroom first.After doing his business, he stepped out into a somewhat secluded corner of the hallway and nearly collided with someone he remembered meeting back at the rodeo in April.She was a hard person to forget, with her bleached blonde hair and cutting figure, which tonight she was highlighting with a tight black miniskirt, cowboy boots, and a band T-shirt with its sleeves cut off, exposing a slice of black lace underwear beneath.
“Hey!”she greeted with a smile, her heavily lined eyes widening.“Victor, right?”
Victor was shocked Daisy remembered him, as he didn’t consider himself that remarkable.“Yeah, that’s me.You’re Daisy.”
“Oh hey, you remember!”Her smile was very white and pretty.It was no wonder she’d had Johnny in such a vice.“I must have left an impression.”
“Don’t meet many Daisies.”
“And I don’t meet many Victors, least of all cute ones.”At this, she winked and then laughed.“Plus Johnny has had a lot of good things to say about ya.”
“Hmm?”Victor wasn’t sure if he’d heard right.“Johnny—he talks about me?To you?”
“Well, yeah.You’re basically his best friend at this point, right?You wanna say hi to him?He’s just thattaway.”She jabbed a finger back toward the restaurant.
“You’re—you’re here with him?I thought…” Victor trailed off, waiting for some more information but Daisy just blinked at him.“I thought you two were, you know, not together anymore.”
“Oh, we ain’ttogether.We’re just…” She trailed off in thought.“Well, I don’t know what we are exactly right now, but he’s treating me to a steak dinner so that means somethin’, don’tcha think?”
“I…” Victor didn’t know what to say or how to feel.He was so baffled by this interaction and the fact that Daisy and Johnny were spending time together after Johnny had emphasized so many times that they were done.“How long have you been hanging out?”
“Since November, I guess.He ain’t as much fun when he’s sober, but it’s nice to go places without havin’ to worry about draggin’ him home, if you know what I mean.”She lowered her voice and leaned in slyly.“Sex is better, too.”Then she laughed and flipped her hair back, ignoring Victor’s reaction.“Oh!By the way, Johnny told me you guys are going to Fort Worth for the Stock Show, which isso perfect, because I’m goin’ too to run barrels.Are you ridin’?I’d love to cheer for ya in the stands if ya are.”
Victor swallowed a thick wad of saliva to wet his mouth.“I’m just going as a trainer.”
“Aw, well, I’m sure you’ll have fun anyway.I go every year even if I’m not ridin’.If you don’t mind me gettin’ a little personal, Johnny’s told me you’re single.”She stepped closer conspiratorially, lowering her voice.“I got a newly single girlfriend who was gonna come with me for support.Maybe you two can plan to do somethin’ together.”
There was literally nothing in the world Victor wanted to do less right now than pretend he was straight, least of all for one of Daisy’s friends.He was much more interested in finding Johnny and strangling him, because he hadn’t said a singlewordabout seeing Daisy again, and Victor could feel rage and betrayal building in his chest.
“I’ll be pretty busy,” Victor bit out hollowly.“If you don’t mind, I gotta get going.Tell Johnny I said hi.”
Daisy sighed.“Well, alright.Goodnight to ya.”
Victor pushed past Daisy and made a beeline straight for the exit.He’d made it out to his truck in the parking lot when he heard someone call his name.He considered ignoring it, but he stopped with one leg resting inside the truck and turned to the figure bathed in shadow approaching him.
“Vic,” Johnny repeated, more softly this time, pulling up within speaking distance but no closer.“What’re you doin’ here?”
“Eating dinner,” Victor replied flatly.“Pretty sure that’s what you do at a restaurant.”
“By yourself?”
“It was Jade’s birthday.”
“Oh.”Johnny glanced away, clearing his throat.“Listen, about Daisy—”
“Honestly, Johnny?”Victor interjected.“I don’t want to know.”He moved to pull himself up into the truck.
“It ain’t nothin’ serious,” Johnny argued quickly, taking a step forward.“Sobriety has been real hard for me, and I guess I been needin’ a distraction.I know she’s not—she hurt me before, o’ course but—”
