Page 37 of The Only Seconds that Matter
Skyler turned to another box she selected and removed the left boot to slide over her foot.“I’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year now.”
“Oh.How’s that going?”
“Terribly, actually.”She sighed and swept back a chunk of hair that had escaped her tight ponytail.“We’re running out of options at this point.”
Victor hadn’t known that Skyler was even interested in motherhood, but it made sense.She was a compassionate, caring person with tons of energy and enthusiasm to get her through rough patches.She’d never told Victor that she’d wanted kids, but it wasn’t a topic they tended to discuss.
“I’m sorry,” Victor said softly, sitting down on the bench beside her.“I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well.”She shrugged, though Victor could see the tension in her face.“It is what it is.”
“Can you blame Liam?”
Skyler laughed.“No, by all accounts he’s perfectly functional.It’s me.”She bit her lip, fumbling with the boot and then dropping it before ducking down to snatch it back up.“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring this up so suddenly.”
“No, it’s fine.I’m sorry to hear it.”
“It just sucks.”She pushed her thumb to the corner of her eye and sniffed.Then she went to work shoving her foot into a boot, this one being white and tasseled along the sides.
Victor put a hand on Skyler’s shoulder, and she reached up to grasp and squeeze it.
“You want a hug?”Victor asked.
Skyler blurted out a laugh.“Maybe in the car, sure.I don’t want to make a scene.Lemme just… can you give me a moment?I’m going to try on all these boots.I promise it won’t take me more than ten minutes.Is there anything you wanna buy for yourself?”
“I can keep busy.Don’t rush.”
“Great.”She nodded and smiled, but it was fragile.Victor playfully tugged on her ponytail before walking off, hoping to give her some time to compose herself.They didn’t talk nearly as much as they used to when they lived close, but they’d certainly talked more often than a year, and she’d never mentioned wanting to get pregnant.He wondered why she’d brought it up so suddenly.Maybe it had been on her mind today.
Poor Skyler.She’d make a great mother, even if Liam’s parenting skills didn’t seem up to par.Maybe Victor didn’t see him in the way Skyler did, but Victor could still remember Liam’s face when Skyler introduced Victor as her long-time best friend.He’d seemed jealous, which struck Victor as very funny.Making straight men jealous was not something he’d expected to give him a kick of gender euphoria but that’s how it was.
Victor browsed the jeans section for a bit, then headed back to Skyler, who had finally made her choice—a pair of practical brown and black boots.Victor knew her better than she knew herself.
They made their purchase and headed out to his truck.Whatever conversation they may have started was interrupted by Skyler’s phone.It was Skyler’s husband, Liam, and he had a long string of questions about her schedule and improvements being made to the yearling pasture, all delivered in an Irish brogue that made him sound on the edge of an argument.Skyler sounded frustrated with him but kept her calm, so everything was straightened out within ten minutes.When she hung up, she pinched the bridge of her nose with two fingers.
“Have I told you I don’t like Liam?”Victor said.
“Oh my God,” Skyler grumbled.“Please not right now.”
“Okay.”
Skyler sucked in a sharp breath.“It’s fine.I’m fine.He just picks the perfect times to call.”She paused, then looked at Victor.“He can be sweet when he wants to be.And in regards to this whole… pregnancy thing, he’s been supportive.I don’t know why but part of me expected him to, like, divorce me or something.”
“What?Why?”
“He’s always wanted kids.So I sometimes feel like I’m not upholding my end of the deal.”
“What deal?You’re a person, not some kind of baby factory.”
“Iknow.But emotionally it’s like…” She sighed heavily.“I don’t know.Sometimes I feel like less of a woman because of it.Which is crazy and stupid but I can’t help it.”She sighed.“I know I brought this up, but I really don’t want to go over the options or talk in detail about it because all it does is upset me.I just…” She closed her eyes.“I guess I wanted you to know I’m going through this.Because I haven’t told you.I haven’t told most people in my life.It feels so embarrassing and sad.”
“I’m sorry.It genuinely sucks.”
“Yeah.”She slouched in her seat.“But now you know.”
* * *
They’d decided that Johnny would drive with them to the venue to save him a trip, so Johnny showed up at Victor’s house twenty minutes later than they’d planned, dressed in a pair of tightly fitting jeans and a black button-up with just a thin line of gold embroidery at the breast pocket and shoulders, with a black cowboy hat to match.For once he was cleanly shaven and his hair had a hint of gel to keep it in place, almost like he was trying to impress someone.Skyler, typically more tomboy than not, had put on some eyeliner and lipstick and her most form-fitting jeans, then borrowed one of Victor’s hats to complete the look.Not to be outdone, Victor decided on a shirt with a bit of flare in the form of a subtle western-themed print and suede cutouts along the yoke.While he didn’t miss much from his former life, he did miss the ability to dress up.If he lived somewhere less rigid, he might have gone for something pink or glittery.
