Page 137 of The Only Seconds that Matter
“You’rewhat?Is that evenpossible?”
“Obviously.”
“I thought those drugs you take made you infertile.”
“Not really.I think it’s a myth.Or at least that’s what I’ve read.I didn’t know much about any of this until a few weeks ago.”
“Is that when you noticed?”
“It’s when I took a test.”
His mother stared at him for a moment, biting her lip.To his surprise, she stepped into the bathroom and then sank to a knee in front of him, drawing him into a tight and emphatic hug.Victor sagged into it, digging his face into the gap between her neck and shoulder.
“Oh honey,” his mother said softly.“I love you so much, and whatever help you need, I’m going to be here.”
Victor clung to her tighter, fighting a sudden onset of tears.He’d been crying alotlately, something he blamed on his hormones being completely fucked.“I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m guessing it’s unplanned?”his mother asked, pulling away but keeping both hands on his shoulders.
“Yeah.”Victor sniffed, wiping at his eyes.“It’s my fault.I was having a really hard time getting my T prescription because I had to switch doctors, which was atotalpain in the ass, and then the online pharmacy I used was out of stock, and then I had to have a big fight with my insurance company over it.So I ended up skipping a bunch of shots.And, uh, maybe I was getting a little sloppy with birth control because I didn’t think… well.”Victor sucked in a deep breath.“I thought my chances were really low, after a decade of using T.”
His mother pushed some of his hair off his forehead like she did when he was a child at home with a fever.“Does Johnny know?”
Victor nodded.
“And how’d he take it?”
“Surprisingly well.I dunno, he seemed into the idea.”Victor laughed weakly.“I think I am, too.Like, I know it’s going to be absolutely awful to go through but at the end of the day, I’ve always really really wanted to be a dad.And it’s been great to have Taylor around but she’s notmine, as much as I wish she were.Her mother still gets to decide what she does.”
“If you’re happy about it, then so am I.”Indeed, the smile on his mother’s face looked genuine.“But I am worried about you, living where you are.Is it safe?”
“To be a man who is visibly pregnant?Definitely not.So, uh, I don’t know what to do about that.I was thinking maybe I could live with you or Oscar for the last five months.I’ve already been researching trans doulas and midwives in southern California—I’d like to avoid hospitals if at all possible.”
“What about the farm?”
“I think Jade could handle it, if I asked her to.And maybe Johnny.We’re fighting about that a little bit.He wants to stay with me, but he has his job and I don’t want him to quit when we need the money for all the bills we’ll be getting.I don’t know what people might think about me acquiring a mysterious baby after a five-month absence, but that’s better than them actually seeing me pregnant.”
“You’re of course welcome to live here as long as you need.I don’t think there will be much in the way of healthcare for you out here, but in Los Angeles there will be something.”
“And Oscar would be there, if I needed a place to crash for a few nights.”
“You know his wife is pregnant, too,” his mother said.
“Yeah, it’s a competition between us, true sibling rivalry.”
His mother laughed before grasping his hand in hers.“Honey, I’m so happy for you.And I’m glad Johnny is on board with it.That definitely makes it all easier.He seems good for you.”
Victor nodded, feeling too emotional to speak.He’d planned this trip to see his mother before he’d even known he was pregnant.He’d been dreading telling her, but now that she knew, he was so relieved to have her support.As scared and clueless as he was, it felt good to know he wasn’t going to suffer through it alone.
His mother drew him into another fierce hug, kissing the side of his face a few times.“I love you.We’re gonna get you through this.”
“Thanks, Mom.I love you, too,” Victor choked out around a sob.
* * *
After dinner the next day, Victor’s mother offered up three horses, her truck, her trailer, and a slew of camping supplies so that he and Johnny could make the twenty mile trip to the trailhead in the San Bernardino mountains.They intended to camp overnight, which made Victor’s mother a little nervous, but Victor didn’t see the difference between vomiting into a toilet or throwing up on the side of the mountain.Both were equally unpleasant.Thankfully his stomach was feeling better, so he felt well enough to help Johnny tack up the riding horses and organize supplies in the panniers of their pack horse.Because it was a weekday, the trails were pretty empty, which made for a peaceful and quiet ascent.
Johnny usually hated to let silence stretch on for too long, but he was too wrapped in the views to say much.They stopped every fifteen minutes so that Johnny could swivel around in his saddle and snap pictures on his phone, muttering to himself about how beautiful the mountains were.Victor had grown up with them, but he could see how someone who had grown up in flat Oklahoma might be impressed.Victor certainly missed them.
