Page 133 of The Only Seconds that Matter
“I got some steaks in the fridge.That work for you?”
“I will eat whatever you put in front of me.”
“Alright.I’ll start in on dinner and you go freshen up.You’re pretty damn ripe.”
In response, Johnny wrapped his arm around Victor’s neck and jerked his face into his armpit, which made Victor laugh and playfully struggle his way out of the grip.Johnny cackled as he released him, then bounced away to the bathroom before Victor could enact any payback.
Victor pulled out the steaks, his own personal steak rub, a can of baked beans, and a bunch of russet potatoes that he cleaned with a scrub brush in the sink.Johnny must have been quick with his shower, because he emerged wet and half-dressed five minutes later, wearing sweatpants and one of Victor’s tank tops.Considering the height difference, Victor’s clothes didn’t look half bad on him.
“You need any help with dinner?”Johnny asked.
“If you want to cut up potatoes, I’d appreciate it.”
“Alright then.”Johnny went to the sink but spent a few minutes futzing around on his phone.When music emerged, his purpose with it was clear.“Just tryin’ to wind down.”
Victor nodded, already rubbing salt and spices into the steaks.Johnny transported the potatoes from the sink to a cutting board and started slicing them, humming along to the classic Dixie Chicks song on his playlist.After Victor tossed the steaks into a pan to cook, the song changed to one Victor vaguely recognized but couldn’t name.
“Aw, this was one of my mama’s favorite songs,” Johnny said, already swaying to the intro.He grabbed the handle of a knife and held it to his mouth to singBaby lock the door and turn the lights down lowin his deepest voice, which made Victor laugh.
“Who is this?”Victor had to ask.
“I dunno.”Johnny picked up his phone.“Josh Turner.”
“Ah.I think I remember this one.”
Johnny continued to mouth along to the song, sparing Victor from his terrible singing voice.Victor chuckled and shook his head, trying to return his attention to the steaks on the stove.But then Johnny grabbed his hand and yanked him in close, clasping one of Victor’s hands in his while the other dropped to his waist.Maybe Johnny couldn’t sing, but he could dance, and when he mouthedI can’t believe how much it turns me on, just to be your man, he held Victor’s gaze with that classic crinkled-eye smile.Victor couldn’t keep from grinning back, and around the kitchen they spun, swaying their hips to the rhythm of that twangy electric guitar.When Johnny spoke-sangain’t nobody ever love somebody, the way I love you, Victor’s heart skipped with tenuous joy.One thing he’d learned about Johnny is that Victor could never predict what the hell he was going to do, so Victor wasn’t sure if this was a confession or simply Johnny singing along without thinking.He tried not to read too much into it.Best to simply enjoy the moment and let himself be led in circles around the kitchen.
On the last few notes of the song, Johnny slid his arm further across Victor’s back and dipped him, which was so unexpected that Victor let out a short gasp in shock.This blended into a laugh, and he grabbed a fistful of Johnny’s tank top in fear Johnny might drop him.
“Consider me wooed,” Victor said with a grin.
Johnny set him straight again, all his laugh lines out in full force.“That’s cuz you’re dealin’ with one of the best.Ain’t nobody doin’ it like me.”
“That’s for sure.”Victor looked down at the fist still gripping Johnny’s shirt, struggling to pull away.He felt himself tumbling into the blue of Johnny’s eyes, wondering if he’d ever get used to it.He hoped he didn’t.It was that heart-in-throat feeling he got when he fell off a horse, right before he hit the ground.
Johnny’s smile faded, but not in the usual way, like when he shut down and pulled away.Instead he held Victor’s gaze, and his hands were soft when they gripped Victor’s biceps.
“What?”Victor asked, feeling a little self-conscious under the intensity of Johnny’s stare.
Johnny suddenly swallowed him up in a hug, a hand on Victor’s neck keeping him pressed up against Johnny’s shoulder, which smelled strongly of Victor’s soap.Victor slid his hands from Johnny’s waist to his shoulder blades, his throat even tighter.He wasn’t sure if he could pull away even if Johnny asked him to.This was the only place Victor ever wanted to be.
Eventually Johnny pulled back with a loud clearing of his throat, blinking a few times with what could have been the makings of tears.To Victor’s surprise, Johnny lifted one hand to place over Victor’s cheek and around his jaw.
“I ain’t fancy with words, and you know that,” Johnny said, voice low and husky.“But fuck it, Vic, I love you.”
Victor stared at his face for a few seconds before burying his nose back in Johnny’s collarbone, hugging him again.His voice muffled by Johnny’s chest, he said, “I love you, too.”
Johnny gripped him so tightly with both arms that they rocked back and forth a few times before Victor could find the breath to laugh.He probably looked like the most pathetic lovesick puppy when he gazed up at Johnny the way he did, but Johnny’s pinkened ears meant he liked it.
“Aw, man, you can’t look at me like that,” Johnny said, flushing an even deeper red.“You’re gonna get me all emotional.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”Victor firmed up his grip on Johnny’s arms so that he didn’t pull away.“When something feels good, you can just enjoy it.”
Johnny snorted.“You and your wisdom.”Then he softened and dropped his forehead against Victor’s hairline, his breath on Victor’s face.“That’s why I need you so bad.As much as you scare me, I can’t imagine a life without you.”
“I scare you?”
“Disappointin’ you does.Losingyou does.”
