Page 125 of The Only Seconds that Matter
“Ain’t nothin’ to be done just sittin’ round here all day.It’ll at least give me somethin’ to do.”
“Johnny…” Victor rubbed his face, then pushed himself to a sit.“Please call off.There’s no way you’ll be able to function today.”
“He ain’t gonna like it.”
Victor rubbed a thumb over Johnny’s cheek, softening his voice.“Tell him you’re puking or something.Whatever it takes.”
Johnny suffered another few moments of indecision before nodding.Then he leaned in and planted a kiss on Victor’s mouth, which Victor very much wasn’t prepared for, so it took him a second to kiss him back.Johnny slid off the bed and grabbed his phone off the nightstand, staring it as he left the room and closed the door behind him.
Victor turned to Piper and Bailey, who were both staring at him.“I should probably get up and feed the horses, huh?”
The dogs offered no response beyond a head tilt.With an exhausted sigh, Victor flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.He wondered if Hannah had returned yet.She hadn’t kept up consistent contact since leaving yesterday morning, so Victor didn’t know if she was back yet or not.Maybe she’d decided to leave and stay gone.Knowing her, she’d probably show up in a few days, leaving all the animal care to Victor and then act offended when he called her out on it.Victor probably would have fired her already if she didn’t live in the apartment next to the barn.He didn’t want to throw her out of her house.Her lease was up in a few months; maybe it was time to have a hard conversation with her about it.
Johnny returned a minute later.
“Boss says there ain’t any electricity on the lot anyway, and everythin’s been shut down.So I can’t come in even if I want to.He’s got enough guys to keep the cattle fed and watered but they ain’t handlin’ any shipments.”
“Want to help me feed horses this morning then?”
“We can’t sleep in a lil longer?”
Victor glanced at the clock on his nightstand, which was still blinking because of the power outage.So Victor had to look at his phone instead.“Guess another 20 minutes won’t hurt.”
Johnny hopped into the bed, then scooted up next to Victor.They laid side by side for a contemplative movement before Victor turned to look at Johnny’s profile.“How are you feeling?”
Johnny shrugged, which seemed like an understatement.“Tryin’ to avoid thinkin’ about it too much.”
“You gonna go out to your house today and look around a bit more?”
“Guess I should do that.Also gotta call insurance and all that.”Johnny’s face twisted with a flash of dread before he faced Victor.“Do we have to talk about it?”
“No.We can just lie here.”
So that’s what they did for a few minutes, until Johnny shifted and pulled himself toward Victor.Victor didn’t know what he had planned until he dropped his head onto Victor’s stomach and curled into a ball facing Victor’s feet.Without delay, Victor reached down and ran a hand over Johnny’s forehead and through his hair like he might pet a cat.Like a cat, Victor didn’t know how long Johnny was going to let himself be touched like this without pulling away.So Victor enjoyed it while he could.
“Vic?”came Johnny’s voice after a while, small and uncertain.
“Hmm?”
“Sorry about everything.”
“You’re going to have to elaborate.”
“Sorry for runnin’ out.For being a disappointment.”Johnny pressed his cheek deeper into Victor’s stomach until it slightly muffled his words.“I never know what to do with a good thing in my life.”
Victor didn’t respond immediately, just kept petting Johnny until he cycled through what he wanted to say.“Why are you so afraid of disappointing me?”
Johnny didn’t answer right away, though the question made his body tighten like a string.In response, Victor slipped his fingers out of Johnny’s hair and across the tense muscles in the back of his neck and shoulders, a silent way of requesting relaxation.
“I disappoint everyone,” Johnny finally replied.
“And then what?They leave you?”
“If they can, yeah.”
“Do you think I’ll leave you?”
“I’ve given you every reason to.”
