Page 30 of Chef
“This party sucks. No offense, Sage. I don’t think it’s because of you,” Chewy says hastily. “It's your last night of freedom until this gets sorted and you divorce Chef.”
“Or murder him,” my mom mutters before beaming at me, “But you probably won't do that because he’s trying really hard. Even I can see that. And my leg has stopped twitching and trying to kick him in the nuts when I see him, so that's a good sign.”
I roll my eyes and then pat Mom on her silky dark head. “Thanks, Mom.”
Chewy huffs and then slides to the edge of the couch before rolling back and using her legs to cause enough momentum to help her into a standing position. It doesn't work. She just rolls back and forth like a turtle on its shell.
“Need help there, preggo?” Nat snorts.
“No! I am a capable woman!” Chewy barks.
Rhodie rolls his eyes and leans forward, gently helping Chewy roll off the couch and into a standing position.
“I could have done that myself. Probably,” she mutters with a frown. Then quick as lightning she jumps into Rhodie’s arm and kisses him. With tongue. That we all see.
“Stop mauling my sister,” Jules growls.
Rhodie gives Jules a shit eating grin, then lets Chewy slide down his body.
“I’ve got three dozen frozen chickens in the trunk. Let's go feed some gators.”
I cheer with the rest of the women. I never realized that perhaps I’m not a bachelorette type of gal. Going to visit my uncle's gators and feeding them chicken carcasses soundswaybetter.
“Why can't you women just stay put and do normal shit? Why does everything have to be an adventure?” Rhodie whines in his manly voice.
“Because normal shit is boring, Rhodes,” Ana says, all us women nodding in agreement.
“I mean, we have gatorsright there. Seems rude to ignore the obvious fun they will provide. We get to feed them chickens.Chickens!” Mira’s excitement is infectious and I lead the way, like some type of Pied Piper as Jules drives the SUV slowly behind us. Presumably bringing the carcasses.
“Wait, are we sure this is going to be OK?” Loyal asks, chewing on her lip.
“Psssh, course it is. First off, there is no way my brothers would ruin Sage’s bachelorette party by not letting her feed the gators. And second, I’m the eldest.” Mom leaves it at that, flinging the doors of the gator barn wide open and swanning in.
“Well, you heard the lady,” Joe says, wagging her brows at us.
We pile inside and the DRMC women all remark on how much bigger the gators have gotten since the last time they saw them. I leave them to their cooing and cackling and head for the back area where my favorite little gator has been hanging out. He came in the day after I arrived, so I feel some type of connection with the little thing. Saint seems to think he was in a fight with a much larger gator which is why he’s looking all scarred and gnarly. He’s also missing part of his front foot but he’s a tough little critter.
“Hey, Glen, how you doing, buddy?” I softly call to him. I pat the side of his enclosure with my hand, hoping the vibrations will draw him out.
He peeks out at me with his elongated pupils, and I smile, waiting patiently, resting my cheek on the cool metal of the gates around him.
“Those women and Pops are crazy.”
A smile breaks across my face at Loyal’s words and Rhodie and Jules’ grumpy growls. “What are they doing?”
“Chewy wants to have a photo with Cupcake and is trying to climb over the fence. Your mom went to take a selfie with one but her frozen chicken somehow popped out of her arms and hit Jules in the face. Violet laughed so hard that she fell into the baby gator enclosure. Mira thinks that she’s the gator whisperer and now that huge gnarly one keeps following her along the fenceline.”
I turn to stare at her with a “what the fuck?” look. Like, I mean, I know what the DRMC Girl Gang is like, but this seems crazy, even for them.
“Why is there a foot in that enclosure?” Chewy asks, pointing right at Glen.
“What?”
“Right there. There’s a foot. Why is that there?”
“Is it a left, or a right?” Mira asks, Pickles, the monster fucking gator standing on the other side of the fence to her.
“Why the fuck does that matter?” Rhodie growls.
