Page 11 of Chef
“He’s a barmanager,” Justice corrects me. “He also sells bait, runs the BBQ Shack when TumTum is busy, is a part-time undertaker and lawyer,” Justice recites proudly.
“Oh, you two are totally BFF’s.” I grin.
“Damn straight. He’s my boy,” Damian says seriously.
I smile softly as this bunch who somehow have managed to find each other and form a bond and my chest grows tight hoping that I can perhaps grow a bond of sorts too. At the DRMC I was kinda a fish out of water. Too old to hang out with the kids, too young to hang out properly with the Ol Ladies. So I spent most of my time with Mama Debs helping with the kids. Don’t get me wrong, I love each and every one of them, but it's a little sad that I don’t have the deep connection that Loyal and Joe or Damian and Justice have. I think I expected it would happen for me when I started college. But I wasn’t living on campus, instead opting to go into Roxburgh every day to study. Sure I made some friends, I even dated some after Chef pulled his shit on me and I thought I was really going to go out there and live my bestlife. And here I am, about to enter into a marriage with a man who tore my heart out and stomped on it and try to kill another man who thinks of me as his possession. Life really is messed up sometimes.
“Jus’ so you know, I’m taking applications for second best friend,” Damian says with a sly look.
“Oh yeah?” I ask, not rising to the bait.
“Yeah, but there are a few hoops you gotta jump through. It ain’t gon be easy,” he sing songs.
I share a look with Joe and Loyal and think fuck it? It’s early afternoon, I’ve driven my ass here all the way from Rose Grove, I have a fiancé and a wedding on the horizon and I could do with a way to blow off some steam.
“Will there be cocktails involved?” I ask, hoping there are.
“Some of these hoops you gotta jump you don’ wanna do sober.”
“Count me in.”
Chapter Four
Chef
“You gotta make that girl forgive you before she’ll fall in love with you. So whatever you gotta do, you do it. She want’s you to put a butt plug with a furry tail in your ass and ask you to play big bad wolf you fucking do it,” Pops’ voice yells at me over the screen.
“Maybe just start by showing remorse,” Mad Dog says, in a normal volume.
I pause the video on my phone and lean my head on the back of the couch. This is the third video in a series Pops sent me calledHow to win back the girl you fucked over because you’re a yellow-bellied pussy. and I’m not sure if it’s working. So far all I’ve seen is terrible editing, Pops growling at me in what looks to be a basement, so not even the Rev Room, and Mad Dog dropping pearls of wisdom that seem to make sense.I’m not sure if the vibe Pops is going for is shock and awe, or CIA brainwashing, but somewhere in my brain I can feel a plan forming. And most of that plan stems from Mad Dog’s words. I want to get to a place with Sage where we can build our friendship again. Maybe in the future she’ll forgive me, maybe she’ll give me another chance. At this point that is all I can hope for, but I understand if she doesn't. Fuck, if I were her I wouldn’t. I’m a loser, but I think I can become someone she deserves.
I unpause the video, to see what else Pops growls at me. “You’re a loser kid. I know it, you know it. But you don’t have to stay a loser. I mean, you may not have it in you to be as much of a winner as me, but shit, we can’t all be me.” He grins at the camera while Mad Dog rolls his eyes and shakes his head behind him. “You got something better in ya, kid. You got fight. You know what it’s like to be at the bottom and have to claw your way into something you’re proud of. I see it in you. You ain’t that trailer trash kid you once were. You’re a fucking vet. You’ve saved lives. You’re a mother-fucking Devil’s Rose MC brother. You earned that, and you’ll earn Sage back.” I swallow, the screen going blurry for a moment before Pops’ menacing face closes right in. “Don’t fuck this up again because I will gut you.”
“We believe in you, Chef,” Rider yells from somewhere in the background before the screen goes black.
Leaning back on the couch I let Pops’ words tumble over in my mind.
“He’s right, you know.” Rolling my head to the side I catch Vex leaning on the polished wood of the bar. “Somewhere inside, you still see the kid you were. You’re not him anymore. You’ve earned everything you have in this life, Chef.”
Swallowing, I look down at my phone on my lap. “I never earned Sage. One day I was prospecting, and the next day she was there. All shy smiles and awkward conversation.”
“How did she make you feel? Like really feel? Before you fucked up.” He asks, moving closer until he takes a seat across from me.
“At the time? She made me feel ten fucking feet tall. Ain't no one in my life looked at me the way Sage did. Like I was somebody.” Vex nods, running a hand down his stubble. He doesn't say anything more, just sits quietly while the silence puts my thoughts in order. “I think that scared me a little, you know? Ain't no one looked at me like that.”
“So, instead of living up to the man she had in her mind, you cut her loose?” Vex raises his brows.
“Look man, you’re her uncle, you know she deserves better.”
“Chef, I may be her uncle, and I fucking love her, but I’m your chaplain. You’re my brother, and what I see is a man hurtin’ from the decisions he’s made. So, I wanna get to the bottom of why you made the choice you did. Once you face that, you can do all the shit Mad Dog and Pops are telling you. But until you face all that shit in your mind, you’re gonna keep drawing her close then cutting her loose, whether you want to or not.” He sits back, eyes on me, waiting for my next move.
The problem is, the next move would be diving into some shit I don’t want to talk about. Shit that makes my chest tight and it’s not even a fucking big deal. There are brothers here who had it way fucking worse than me growing up and yet here I am, acting like a fucking pussy.
“Brother,” my gaze meets Vex’s. “I got you.”
I take a breath and let it out, moving my gaze to the back wall, not wanting to look at Vex while I talk.
“You know I grew up in a shit trailer park, right? We were dirt poor, man. My parents were all fucked up. They lived in trailers next to each other because they couldnt stop fucking cheating.” I finally look at Vex, “Do you know I’m the only kid that looks like me? I’m a fucking black man, dude. Do you know what it waslike being the only black kid in those trailers? Shared between parents that fucking hated each other but wouldnt stop having kids together? I don’t know who my real father is. Most of my siblings treated me like shit because that’s how our dad treated me. Kids at school knew we were fucked up and would get on our cases because we were poor. Wore hand me downs, had no food. When the water was out we’d stink. I got taken away once when the hygiene got real bad one part there. They gave me to a real nice older black lady. She taught me how to take care of my hair. First time anybody cared to help with my texture. Then the system up and placed me back in that trailer park.” I take a breath after all that word vomit, chest tight.
