Page 75 of Trial By Fire
"What do you mean?"
"You know you're welcome to stay with me as long as you want and need," she says softly.
"But?"
She curls her arm under mine and holds it gently.
"But we both know you'd rather be elsewhere. So why are you here?"
I take a deep breath. "Kace thinks the girls are getting too attached," I whisper. "Dani freaked out about me collapsing and being in the hospital. She had a nightmare about me dying and sobbed her little heart out. She even mentioned knowing I'm not her mommy, but I'm like a mommy and had a meltdown wanting me at her dance class so she could be like the other girls for her birthday celebration."
"Oh, bless her heart."
"Yeah. It's obviously been too much for her so soon after Kace's accident."
"Poor thing," Bronwyn says, concern thick in her tone, as well as what sounds like more than a few tears. "You know I've been reading all the parenting books I can get my hands on, right? Just in case my future involves a munchkin?"
I nod.
"Well," she says softly, "according to the books, vivid dreams are common at her age. She's growing up and becoming more aware of reality and consequences. Things like injuries and death. Kace can't blame you for her cognitive development. His little girl is growing up."
"No," I agree. "But he can blame me for the stress I cause by just being…me."
"Lindy, that's life. People get sick. They have accidents. They need to go in an ambulance sometimes. Dani is going to experience upset of one kind or another. It's how we grow and change. Kace can't protect her from that or keep her in a bubble."
I lean my head against hers, looking out at the white caps topping the waves.
"Can I ask you a question?"
I have a pretty good idea of what it is. "Yes, I am pregnant."
"Haha," Bronwyn says wryly.
I hear a smile in her voice at my sad attempt at humor, referring back to the time we'd sat on this very balcony and I'd revealed my secret suspicion to her.
"Do you like Kace? I'm asking because I could've sworn the day of the girls' birthday party at the house, I caught some…tension between you two."
Her question brings back that kiss. The one that rocked my world and left me shaken to my core. Along with all the other looks and touches and exchanges we've had that made for a wallop of a reality check. One kiss and I love the man. That's a lot to process. And the cynic in me is skeptical. Especially after what happened before.
"You know, silence is an answer all on its own," she murmurs.
I inhale and sit up, looping my arms around my legs, aware that I won't be able to do that much longer. "It doesn't matter if I do," I say carefully. I can't tell Bronwyn I've fallen for Kace, that I love him, when I haven't—and won't—tell Kace. "Because he doesn't."
"Are you sure about that?"
I feel Bronwyn's hand on my hair. It's growing like crazy despite the sickness I've had, and she lightly runs her fingers through the length. "He wouldn't have so readily agreed to end our agreement if he liked me," I whisper.
The moment the words leave me, I realize the depth of the rejection I feel. First the baby's father and the lies he told. Then his response to my pregnancy news. Now Kace.
What is it with me?
I know Kace is doing what he thinks is right. He wants to protect the girls, and I get that.
But knowing that doesn't change how much it hurts when I felt like I'd found my place. My found family.
Dani with her sweet smiles and dimples and those giggles that I can't help but respond to. Madi with her too-serious eyes and guardedness and the way she has just started to open up to me.
And Kace.
