Page 31 of Trial By Fire
"I'm reminding you that you're still standing, and it'll work out. You're here for now. Safe, like you told me."
"Yeah. For now," she murmurs. "Unless we can't get along? Or you get tired of me ordering you to take your meds and do your exercises, and you kick me out?"
"So far, so good on getting along," I say, feeling the need to reassure her but reminding myself to keep to the boundary we've established. I can accept help and protect my girls and lend Lindsey a helping hand all at the same time. "And you might not know me well, but it would take a lot more than you following doctor's orders for me to kick you out. But if things don't work out, you've always got Bronwyn. And you can always get a job as a healthcare aid."
We both laugh at that because getting me out of the shower earlier? I don't see Lindsey ever desiring that as a job. Caregivers are saints, in my opinion. Hers, too, no doubt. "You've been a trooper, Lindsey. Thank you. For all of this. And…earlier."
She raises her mug in a salute. "Here's to banishing bad dreams Dani-style."
We laugh, but some part of me knows bad dreams aren't the only problem. The problem is what daylight and Lindsey's company keep making me want.
Chapter
Thirteen
Lindsey
A week after driving Kace home, reality really kicks in and not in good ways.
Kace is slowly coming off the pain medicine and grumpier than ever because of his physical limitations, growing boredom, and sheer frustration. He's still in pain, too. Which only adds to the mix.
I'm trying to find a routine with him and the house and the girls—and all the while surfing the web for jobs and rentals. I want to help with whatever I can help with but also keep my distance and focus on my life as well. Especially given my baby situation. And frankly, the last thing I need is to complicate my life even more, whether it's getting too involved with the girls or a man struggling to cope with the challenges he faces. I can only do so much. And so much of what Kace faces is completely out of my control. So I try to keep myself in the moment and focus on what I can control in regard to my future.
Maybe I'm selfish, but I have my own things to figure out and plan. I don't need to add to my list. It pays to be smart. Especially when you're a woman. Especially when you've already been taken advantage of by a man lying about who he truly is. The last thing any woman wants is to find herself stranded, alone, and wondering how she's going to survive.
I care for the girls. And I care for Kace. I certainly don't want anything to happen to them, but they aren't my family or my safety net, and I have to remember that. This is temporary. Meaning I have to build a family and foundation of my own. No matter how hard it is to do or how long it takes. I have to do it. No one else can.
But Dani seems overly clingy and needy, and I'm not sure if she's always been this way and I'm just noticing, or it's because of the upheaval in her life and she's playing off her father's temperament. Or maybe mine?
Either way, she's more emotional and has tested my patience with her mood swings.
Then there's Madison— She's withdrawn and also moody, with whiplike responses that bite into me whenever I try to talk to her or ask her to do something.
I'm nauseated. Tired. Grumpy myself because of lack of sleep and wondering if I've made the right decision. Maybe it is too much? Maybe I have taken on more than I can handle? Maybe I just need to find a rental, even just a room to rent for the time being, and focus on taking care of myself while figuring out my future?
It's something to consider. And I'm deep in decision mode after dropping Kace off at his PT appointment. I'm driving Madi to the bookstore next when I decide maybe I need to try to talk to the girl once more. Bracing myself, I ask, "So how's work been going?"
"Fine."
How can one word hold so much attitude, I wonder. "Bronwyn says you're running the checkout now. That's huge."
"Why do you say that? Are you afraid I'm going to steal from her?"
I sputter at the accusation. "What? No! Madi— I just meant it's a lot of responsibility, and she says you're doing great. That's all. Why would you think?—"
I glance across the vehicle and see her glaring out the window. Giving up, I search my brain for another topic that might hold less animosity.
"How long are you going to stay?"
I grip the wheel and slow for a red light. "Why do you ask?"
"Because it doesn't take a fortune teller to tell you're getting freaked out. And you're not getting paid."
"No, I'm not. But I am getting a place to live and food."
"Seems like a lot of work just for that."
Yeah, it is, I agree silently, thinking of trad wives everywhere who do the work of five people or more and are still expected to be grateful they live a "luxurious life" as a stay-at-home wife and don't have to "work." "Kace and I agreed to take things a day at a time. We also agreed to an opt out if the situation doesn't work for either of us, but so far I think we're doing okay."
