Page 66 of Trial By Fire
"Not in the ambulance," I tell Mads softly. "Look, I know it's a lot to ask but?—"
"No, I get it. I'll be fine," she says. "I've got Dani. She's asleep anyway. It's no problem."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah," she says, giving me a smile as she lifts her chin. "We're family. We'll be fine."
I hug her tight and kiss the top of her head. "You better believe we're family, kiddo. Thank you."
We watch as Lindsey is loaded up on the gurney and wheeled by us. She blinks as though dazed, and tears trickle out of her eyes and into her hair.
I give Mads one last hug and follow the crew to the door, reminding Madi to lock up behind us and not open the door for anyone other than me or Pierce or Gabe.
Madi rolls her eyes, and I've never been so happy to see such a normal reaction from her. I wink at her, earning a smile, before I cross the threshold onto the porch, my heart in my throat as Lindsey's dark head wobbles on the gurney when she's wheeled over and loaded into the ambulance. I climb in and get settled beside Pierce for the ride.
But as Sully shuts the doors, I take one last look through the window at Mads watching from the doorway. Then the red flashing lights show Dani's tiny form, hands tucked under her chin and eyes wide as she watches us leave.
It reminds me of when my ex left. Dani was too young to fully understand at the time, but she understood enough to know that her mama was no longer there. I can still remember Dani's fussiness and sobs. The endless, awful crying and questioning eyes.
It's my job to protect her from pain. It's my job to protect myself so that I'll be there for Dani and Mads. I can't break. I can't be distracted or consumed with something else. Someone else.
This… This has to stop.
I can call it self-preservation all I want. But it still feels a lot like fear.
Chapter 28
Lindsey
I sleep like the dead once I'm at the hospital and given a combination of fluids and antinausea medication. It's like I can finally relax, and so my body does, nearly going comatose in the process.
I'm vaguely aware of Bronwyn and Kace and their quiet murmurs in my hospital room. I was admitted, and the OB I was to meet with came to see me as part of the hospital staff. The exam and ultrasound wore me out, but other than severe dehydration and confirmation that Kace was right and I do have hyperemesis gravidarum, the baby and I are deemed okay. At least for now.
The doctor explained I'll have to take antinausea meds and that the risk of miscarriage is higher due to the stress my body is under, but that given my immediate response to the medication and the drastic change, she hoped I wouldn't have too much trouble moving forward. She warned it will probably happen again with future pregnancies, though.
So, something to look forward to.
Still, I'm so relieved by the news; I sink back into exhausted oblivion. I think Gabe visits briefly, but I don't rouse enough to care or talk, and instead, I revel in resting without that ever-present urge to be sick.
It's a glorious, deep, leave-me-alone-or-I'll-throat-punch-you sleep, and I'll never take it for granted again. I think I've thrown up enough for a lifetime at this point. I've been running on fumes and pushing through the fog and sickness for so long it had become second nature. Now that I see the difference?
Yeah, I have some self-care in my future. Somehow. Between working for Kace and the girls and helping out at the bookstore when I can, I'm not sure there's a lot of time left in the day. But I have to find it for my sake and my baby's. Being sick also put a question mark on working full-time but the doctor seemed positive with my rapid response to the medication. And if I get the job, I won’t be doing nearly as much of the other two so….
I roll onto my back and stretch, lazily opening my eyes to see Kace in the chair a few feet away. His gaze is on me, and it warms the moment our eyes lock.
"Hey, Sleeping Beauty. How do you feel?"
His voice unlocks all the warm and fuzzies I've been trying so hard to ignore and can't. "Fantastic, actually." I look away to find the clock across from me on the wall. "Is that morning or evening?"
He chuckles softly, and the sound warms my insides.
"Evening. You've slept the day away."
"Oh, wow. I'm sorry," I say as I try to shove myself up in the bed.
"No apologies. You were beyond exhausted, Linds. Why did you keep pushing yourself?"
I huff out a laugh because—for real? "What's the alternative? I can't just lie down and do nothing."
