Page 37 of Ironside
“Look, I really need to get this wedding done before the guests arrive—”
“Lena,” Ironside cut in with a growl that took me by surprise. He was usually so soft spoken and patient with me. But there was an obvious edge in his voice this time. “Are you leaving me?”
I swallowed hard and my eyes burned with tears. An ear-splittingclangmade me glance up. In the distance, a caterer had dropped a tray of hors d'oeuvres, frantically sweeping them up.
“I have a lot to do,” I said, turning away. “Can we discuss this later?”
Ironside didn’t budge as I hurried to finish setting out the arrangements on the tables. I didn’t dare risk a glance in his direction. I would crumble in a heartbeat.
“I was engaged once, you know,” he called after me.
I froze. My heart skipped a beat, then hammered against my sternum.
“I loved her with everything I had,” he continued.
Part of me wanted to hear more. But another part of me didn’t want to hear another word.
“She slipped out when I was asleep, just like you did,” Ironside went on. “Instead of waking up next to the woman I loved, I was greeted by an empty bed, an empty home. And her engagement ring on my nightstand, with a note that said she didn’t love me enough to make it work.”
I closed my eyes with a pained sound. God, that must have been awful. I couldn’t imagine how gut wrenching that was to go through.
Silence filled the room, stretching between us.
“Do you feel the same way?” Ironside asked.
At last, I placed the final bouquet. There were no more flowers. No more work to be done. Slowly, I turned to face him, twisting my fingers together, feeling bile burn in the back of my throat.
“No,” I said. “That’s not how I feel.”
“From where I’m standing, it looks like you do.”
I pressed my lips together, willing myself to not cry. But a tear still slipped down my cheek anyway and I swiped it away quickly.
“I feel…I feelso broken, Reuben,” I said, my voice cracking. “I know I’m not supposed to say that. I know you keep telling me that I shouldn’t apologize for my condition.” I fought back a sob as I pressed my hand to my chest. “I want to have sex with the man I love but I can’t and it’s breaking my heart. I can’t ask you to commit to a lifetime with me like this.”
Ironside’s gaze softened.
“Then don’t ask me. I’ve already made my decision. I’ve chosen to be with you, Lena. And I will continue to choose you, every day, for the rest of our lives.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. For so long, I had dreamed of finding a love like this. For years, I had battled doubts that maybe I would watch everyone else fall in love, while I didn’t. Just because of my body, because of my diagnosis.
“Do you really mean that?” I whispered. “Because if you don’t…if you’re just saying pretty words…”
Ironside closed the distance between us and captured my hand in his.
“Look. I know it’s tradition to kneel during a proposal, but my knees won’t go for that shit. If I get down on one knee, there’s a good chance I won’t be able to get back up again.”
I managed a wet laugh, shaking from head to toe with anticipation. He curved his palm around the back of my neck, holding me steady, grounding me.
“I want everything with you, petal,” Ironside continued. “I want to marry you and call you my wife. I want to smell your rose perfume on my sheets and I want to hold you in my arms when I fall asleep. I want your clothes next to mine in the closet. I want to make you come on my tongue, again and again, until you can’t think straight and my jaw locks up. I wantyou, Lena. In every way.”
I blinked, surprised at his passion and his tenacity.
“What about…sex?” I asked. “What if I’m never capable of doing it? Won’t you be disappointed?”
He shrugged.
“I’m in my fifties, sweetheart. I’ve had plenty of sex already.”
