Page 16 of Ironside
“Stop pushing me,” Bruiser shot back. “She’s your niece. You get to see her all the time.”
“If you two don’t quit squabbling,” Pretty Boy said. “I’m kicking both of you out of here for disturbing the peace.”
Trooper gave Bruiser one last shove, but Bruiser's bulky body didn’t even budge. Trooper stood on tiptoe, attempting to peer over Bruiser’s shoulder instead.
“She’s named after me,” he said proudly. “I’ll be teaching her everything I know.”
Tarzan snorted.
“Well, that shouldn’t take long. Everything you know could fit into a goddamn walnut, little brother.”
“Fuck off,” Trooper said lightly, unfazed by his big brother’s teasing. “Baby Dot here is going to run circles around you by the time she’s six years old, mark my words.”
Tarzan heaved a sigh.
“You’re probably right. God help me.”
This place was a madhouse on Friday and Saturday nights, with rowdy, drunken bikers and the jukebox cranking out tunes at full volume. But on a Monday afternoon, closed to outsiders for the day, it was a quiet, peaceful sanctuary, tucked away from the rest of the world.
“Stop ogling the ladies and give them some room to breathe, boys,” I declared.
They scattered while I waded through them, bringing a cup of herbal tea to Keely.
“How are you holding up, Mama?” I asked.
She smiled, adjusting the dozing baby in her arms to accept the tea.
“Tired, but happy. Dot is the sweetest little blessing.”
Hooking a finger into the blanket, I pulled it aside to get a better look. Dot’s skin was flawlessly smooth, and her tiny mouth formed a perfect O when she yawned.
A knot tightened in my chest at the sight of her.
Twenty-five years ago, I had been so certain that I would become a father one day. Raising a small herd of kids with Denise. Changing diapers, filling my cabinets with jars of baby food, and tripping over toys in the dark. Watching them grow up right before my eyes and wondering what happened to that little baby I brought home from the hospital when they got their driver’s license at sixteen.
But that dream shattered when I found Denise’s note on my bedside table.
Over the years, I watched my club brothers get married and start families of their own. Meanwhile, other brothers remainedsingle like me. Bruiser, for example. He was close to my age, still single, never married. Balancing the club and a family was damned difficult, and it didn’t work out for everyone.
“Do you want to hold her?” Keely offered.
I balked, shaking my head.
“Oh, that’s not…I shouldn’t. I can get Tarzan for you…”
My words trailed off, searching the room for Keely’s husband. But he was busy with their son, Kenny, mopping up the juice that had spilled onto the front of his shirt.
When Hades and Jenny had their two kids, I made up excuses to avoid holding them, too. I didn’t know what to do with a living creature that small, that fragile.
I’m an outlaw biker and a bachelor. I'm clueless when it comes to babies.
But deep down, I was scared. Scared to hold a child and feel that unfulfilled longing to be a father rise up again.
“Please?” Keely pressed. “I have to pee. Again.”
Well, I didn’t have an excuse to counter that. So, Keely transferred Dot into my arms. I stood there, holding my breath, hoping and praying she didn’t wake up and start wailing as soon as she took one look at my grizzled face.
But Dot simply nuzzled against my chest and blinked at me with a sleepy squint.
