Page 141 of Arrogant Bastard
I talked over what I wanted to do with Jackson and Wyatt in between the crazy, and they were happy to oblige. It isn’t everything, but it’s something. It’s for me, and for now it will have to do.
Luckily, things around here have been insane, and I’ve been grateful for the distraction work has provided to keep my thoughts at bay. But now the adrenaline has worn off, and the sadness is creeping in once again.
With each day that passes, Caden feels more and more like a dream. The distance between us is crushing.
It’s for the best, or at least that’s what I’m still telling myself. I’ve survived the worst part. It’s got to get easier from here, right?
It’s just…hard.
The only thing I’m happy about is that I keep moving forward, keep taking the steps I need to get my life together. It’s been slow, but I’m doing it. I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. At least I can thank Caden for that.
There’s the crunch of gravel to my left, and then the man himself appears from around the house, climbs the steps, and sits down next to me.
I glance at him. “I don’t remember inviting you to sit.”
He shrugs. He wore a charcoal gray suit this evening and looked as devastating as you might imagine. The jacket has long been discarded, but his white dress shirt still looks crisp. The starch of newness clings to the cotton. “I wondered if maybe I could talk to you yet?”
“Why?” I want everything at once. I want him to stayandleave. I want to cry under the stars before I go to bed, and for him to hold me close. I crack a bit and give him an opening—not sure what he’ll say, but wanting to hear it. “Is there anything left to say?”
“I have things to say.”
“You seemed content to keep your distance.” The silence between us, even though I put it there, hurt. I wanted him to fight. I think... I don’t know.
“You asked me to leave you alone, and I respected your decision.” He glances at me. “Besides, I had things to do before I could make my argument.”
“And if I don’t want to hear it?”
He looks out across the fields. “If you keep sitting here next to me, I’ll probably make it anyway.”
“How very Caden of you.” He’s sitting too close to me, so I inch over to the rail. I kicked off my high heels at some point, and now I wish I wasn’t barefoot. It makes me feel vulnerable and small, like he could break me.
But I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s already broken everything he can.
He glances down at me. “You look very pretty tonight.”
I have on a yellow spaghetti-strap sundress that’s nice enough. I turn to look at him. “That’s what you want to say?”
He shakes his head. “No. But it’s true.”
“Well, maybe you can get on with it.” I wave my hand in the direction of the restaurant. “I want to be alone, and you can go back to the party.”
“I don’t want to go back.” He meets my gaze. “I want to be with you.”
My heart gives a hard thump. “That’s no longer an option.”
“Maybe. But I hope that’s not true.” He raises a hand like he wants to touch me, but it falls to his lap. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get you back.”
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do.” I hate how much I want to turn to him and give in, how much I want him to kiss me and make me forget.
More than anything, I want to go back to that night when we skinny-dipped in the lake under the moonlight. Everything had been perfect, and the whole future stretched out before me, ripe with possibilities.
He’s silent, as though contemplating, but then he sighs. “I fixed everything with the Hayes family as best I could.”
“Again with them?” I shake my head. “Out of all the things to talk about, why them?”
He frowns. “Because I want you to see I’m taking responsibility for my mistakes, and I don’t know how else to do that but to tell you what I’ve done to rectify my poor decisions. I want to show you somehow that I’m serious.”
I sigh. I’ll ask the question he wants me to ask, because he seems to think it’s important, and part of me needs to hear him out. Maybe that’s how I’ll get closure and start the process of moving on. “What did you do?”
