Page 119 of Arrogant Bastard
I can’t complain.
The light from the windows casts him in a golden glow as he smiles at me. “You regretting anything yet, honey?”
I shake my head. “Not even a little bit.”
It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, one that had been there so long I hadn’t realized it weighed me down until it was gone. I’m not sure where I want to go next, and trying to figure out what I want from my life is daunting and overwhelming, but I’m certain it needs to be done.
“You sure?” His large hands wrap around the mug, and I shiver a little at the thought of them wrapping around me. “’Cause it’s not too late to stop this whole thing and go back to the way it was.”
“Not on your life.” I’ve started now, and there’s no going back.
He chuckles. “So what are you going to do with all your free time?”
It made sense to give Caden everything that had to do with operations and farming. It’s his gift. He loves it, but I don’t. What I do enjoy is the front-end stuff—the things that were easy to let slide when my operational duties monopolized my time.
Part of me is curious what would happen to the business if I actually focused on growth and development—something always on my list that I never get to. I’m anxious to see if I have any love for it without guilt as an albatross around my neck.
At least it’s something that gives me a stirring of excitement, and I’m not sure where else to start. After the meeting was over and Caden had been given a new title of operations manager reporting directly to my brothers, I put in a call to Gwen’s sister Hope and asked her if she had some time on Monday to talk.
I figure even if it’s not my love, I have stakes in the distillery, so the more it succeeds, the less dependent I’ll be on my salary. That will give me the freedom I’m craving.
“I’m not sure yet,” I tell Caden. “For the moment I’m going to give this business-development thing a go and see what happens.”
“Is that your dream?” Caden pushes, getting that look in his navy eyes.
“That’s the problem. I don’t know what my dream is anymore.” I shrug again. “It’s too late to be a horse breeder, and that’s the only one I remember from my childhood.”
“Why’s it too late?”
I shoot him an incredulous look. “Do you know what it takes to be a breeder?”
“Nope.” He gives me a pointed look. “Do you?”
My brow furrows. I don’t actually. It’s not like I looked into it or anything. I give my head a small shake.
“So no?”
“No.” My chin tilts.
“That could be a start.”
I wrinkle my nose. “I’m sure it’s not feasible.”
He raises a brow. “Isn’t it worth at least one of those Google searches you’re so fond of?”
He has a point, but still, that dream feels far away, like it doesn’t belong to me anymore. “It was a girlhood fantasy. I haven’t even ridden a horse in a million years.”
“Well, do you want to? Ride a horse, that is?”
I think back to the last time I was on a horse, the way the wind felt in my hair, the sun on my skin. The rhythm of hoofs pounding in my ears. It’s a good memory. I felt free.
I nibble my bottom lip. “Maybe.”
Caden scrubs a hand over his jaw. “Can’t hurt, right? To see if you remember it the same way, if it rekindles something in you?”
I experience a mild irritation, like an itch in the middle of my back. “It’s not your job to fix me, Caden. I need to do this alone.”
“I’m not trying to fix you.”
