Page 38 of Making Their Vows
"I know, I haven't been any better. It's hard when you grow up this way. Things can get the best of me."
"That doesn't explain ignoring me for the past few years," I point out.
"We came to see you a few times and—" The look I give her has her cutting herself off. "You're right." I must have heard her wrong because there’s no way she admitted that out loud. That's new. I have never heard her say that before. "But you know your father. He always wants me with him."
That is true. They can fight like crazy, but my father wants to keep her tucked close to him. It could be love or that he sees her as property.
“You could have texted or emailed.” There are other ways to stay in contact. Mother starts to speak again, but I hold up myhand to stop her because I’m not done speaking. I can tell the gesture surprises her.
I’m done being pushed and ordered around, unless I want to be. Then it’s my choice. I do enjoy how bossy Blake can get at home, but I’m not letting my mind go to those dirty thoughts right now.
My mother is in front of me, and I know she has information that I want. I’m not sure how reliable it will be, but I want it, nonetheless.
“You and Dad made sure I was isolated from everyone."
“Protected,” she hisses back at me. “You were safe and sound there. Getting one of the best educations in the world.”
“That’s not the point!” I throw my hands up. “You all made those decisions without me.”
“You signed that marriage certificate."
“Yes, because I was manipulated, and you used the one thing against me that you knew could control me.”
"It was for your own good." Still so defensive. How about an "I'm sorry" and "I was wrong," or "I could have handled it differently"? That's not what I'm getting.
"No, it wasn’t. Blake and I wanted to be together, and you made sure that didn't happen."
"Blake wants to use you, sweetheart. The same way your father uses me." This time her tone is serious with no theatrics. "He would have had you pregnant within months. I was guessing that was his plan. If he got you pregnant…" She doesn't have to finish because we both know what she's getting at.
"Maybe that's what I wanted."
"I'd thought that too." She speaks from experience.
"Ouch," I laugh. So I too was a tool to be used from the very start.
"We're adults here, Truly. I don't regret having you." Not sure I'm buying that. I might believe that she feels some senseof guilt about her choices regarding me, but I'm not certain. I'm sure that's my own delusion of wanting to think she could be a better person.
"Well, it doesn't matter." If I wasn't sure about wanting to leave the city, I am now. "If I am pregnant, my baby won't be a tool."
"You can't control that. Blake is filthy rich and more like your father than you know."
"Really," I say sarcastically. “Did Blake bleed his family's money dry too?" Her lips purse.
"I can divorce Blake if he uses me."
"Keepsusing you, you mean. He had no choice but to marry. It was the only way for him to take over. He did what he thought was best, and with these men, I promise you power and money will always come first." I shake my head no. "I was naïve, too, once upon a time.” My mother did nothing to try and stop it from happening. She encouraged it. I did the same. It's what I thought I was supposed to do, but now, I can't bring myself to let the situation go on.
"Blake didn't need to marry me. He had his whole business that he had to absorb into his family's and our shared investments."
"Exactly." She glances toward the door, and I'm sure we are running out of time. Blake will come searching for me soon. "They always want more. Bigger and better." Mother rolls her eyes as if she's not the same. "More than anything, it was what his grandfather requested. That's what he was most concerned about."
The only other person I know for a fact Blake cares about is his grandfather. He never wants to disappoint him.
"He loves me, and you might not know this yet, but he's retiring very soon." At least he is from all this bullshit. Mother throws back her head and laughs, making my stomach cramp.
"Oh, sweetheart," she says when noticing my distress. "That's not true. He's been making all kinds of new investments. Did he tell you he was retiring?" Her brows furrow together like she can’t fathom him uttering those words.
I never thought I could fathom them either.
